


Not So Unrequited

by onalona



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: And Literally Everyone Ships Malec, Angst with a Happy Ending, Because the Author is a Cheesy Sap, External Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, Internal Conflict, Internal angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Time Skips, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-26
Updated: 2018-10-29
Packaged: 2019-08-07 15:29:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 21,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16411109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onalona/pseuds/onalona
Summary: Alec may be a little bit in love with Magnus Bane. And Magnus may be a little bit in love with Alexander Lightwood. Neither of them have ever taken the leap of faith to admit how they feel, culminating in seven years of supposedly unrequited feelings in an array of moments of friendship from the day they first met.But one party just may change all that.Or: Two idiots, falling in love over the years. And how one night of quality alone time and booze can change everything.





	1. Friday Night, You and I, Side-by-Side, Love the Way We Disappear

**Author's Note:**

> here's the thing. I'm still writing the eliot fic rn, and this fic was never meant to exist. but hey, real life emotions often need a creative outlet to translate into something, and yeah, unrequited love is a bitch. so hey, this fic now exists.
> 
> the second part is already done, just gotta edit it more.
> 
> this one goes out to all the people like me - not all of us are lucky enough to have the people we love reciprocate how we feel. and it's hard to deal with, and sometimes, it's seriously painful. I guess we just gotta remember that, one day, we'll all find the Alec to our Magnus, and we'll be ok <3
> 
> (sorry if there's mistakes)

* * *

_2018_

“Maia’s throwing a party.”

Isabelle squeals brightly at Alec’s words, brown eyes lighting up. “Really? For her 21st?” she asks, waltzing around the kitchen island until she's standing behind Alec, looking at his computer screen over his shoulder.

Alec nods faintly as he reads through the Facebook notification, skimming through the details. The date is set for next Friday evening, and it’s at some bar called The Hunter’s Moon, which Alec has frankly never really heard of. Then again, it’s not like he’s well known for venturing out during his free time to whichever bar or club is available. That’s much more up Jace’s alley.

Izzy reaches over, taking control of the touchpad as she herself reads over the details. She clicks onto the invite list as she mumbles, wondering out-loud about who else is coming.

For a 21st birthday, the guest list isn’t huge. There’s probably around 30 people invited in total, and Alec distantly notes that not many of the invited guests are friends with him. Isabelle’s scrolling too fast for him to register any names, but apparently she’s seen all she needs to. There’s an irritated huff to Isabelle’s voice once she’s scrolled through the list as she speaks.

“She didn’t invite me!”

Her voice is petulant, and it makes Alec roll his eyes.

“Of course she didn’t. You’re underage, and this is a bar. With alcohol. According to the law, you haven’t even touched the stuff yet,” Alec turns his head to send a pointed look to his younger sister over his shoulder.

Oh, the irony.

If anything, Alec is the one who barely drinks compared to Izzy. It’s not like Isabelle ever acts irrationally, and she’s 19. She’s got a good head on her shoulders, and Alec doesn’t judge her over anything.

Alec lightly shoves Isabelle’s hand away, taking control of the touchpad to scroll back to the top of the list to see who he’s friends with who’s going. He isn’t surprised to find Jace has been invited, but he hasn’t responded to whether he’s going or not. Alec registers a couple of other names of distant friends of his, before his eyes zone in on one name in particular.

Izzy must notice at the same time as him, and she lets out an amused gasp.

“Look, big brother. Looks like a certain someone is coming along as well,” Alec can’t see Izzy’s face, his gaze glued to the screen, but he can _feel_ Izzy side-eying him mischievously. Her tone sounds falsely naive, but Alec can read between the lines of her words.

“Yes, Izzy, I can see that,” Alec tries to sound unaffected, but then again, it’s hard for him to remain stoic when talking about Magnus.

Magnus Bane. The guy that Alec may be a little in love with. For seven years and counting.

And, the only other person in the universe who knows this very fact is currently fixing Alec with the cheekiest grin imaginable.

“Well, because it’s at this so-called bar, looks like Clary can’t go either,” Isabelle observes. A quick glance at the invite list shows that this very fact is correct, with Clary Fray not appearing on the guest list. Looks like Izzy and Clary are in the same situation.

 _Wonderful,_ barely anyone Alec knows is going to this. Izzy and Clary won’t even be there. If Alec is lucky, he’ll be able to coast through the night, staying attached to Jace’s hip in a bid to try and be social. A shy introvert like himself is _obviously going to have so much fun._

“Great. Even less people I know that are going,” Alec mumbles to himself, a touch self-deprecating as he thinks it over in his head. But at the end of the day, Alec loves Maia, and he does want to go and enjoy some time with her to celebrate the big birthday. And hey, he could always go for a good beer.

Izzy shrieks, grabbing onto Alec’s shoulders and maybe even jumping a little on the spot. “Alec! Holy shit, this is your chance, Alec!” she yells, suddenly far too excited considering it’s before midday on a Sunday morning.

Brow furrowing, Alec glances at his little sister in bewildered confusion. What the hell is she going on about?

Upon seeing his expression, Izzy just rolls her eyes. “My God, Alec, you’re so dense. This is your chance to get close to _Magnus,_ you idiot,” Izzy thumps Alec lightly on the side of the head, as if in an attempt to turn his brain back on or something.

“Hey, we’re close…” Alec trails off, not really sure if he believes it fully.

See, Magnus is one of those people that it seems like everyone is close to. He’s extroverted, knows how to throw himself out there in a party scenario. But he’s also warm, and sweet, and is attentive and kind. He’s showy and sweet, and Alec knows this better than anyone. But that’s the thing. Alec can’t really tell if they are close, because even if it feels like it to him, Magnus gets along so well with everyone.

Isabelle seems oblivious to Alec’s musings, fixing her brother with the most deadpan expression. “Close, as in, actual close. No siblings in the way, but a chance for you two to just hang out yourselves. You’re always complaining about how you guys never get any one-on-one time, so this is your opportunity, Alec,” Izzy’s words are full of intent and belief, her eyes glinting with a determination Alec finds quite startling, a small smirk on her face.

“Iz, do you hear what you’re saying? One, I obviously don’t have the confidence to pull that off. And two, even if I did, Magnus is… Magnus. He’ll be mingling and dancing and drinking throughout the night, whilst I’ll be hanging out by the furthest wall,” even saying it out loud, Alec can totally see it, crystal clear in his mind’s eye. They’re very different, in that sense.

“Oh, come on. I’m actually glad to not go now. I’ve had to deal with you bemoaning your unrequited feelings for years. It’s time you actually got off your ass and tried to do something about it,” Izzy takes a couple steps away to pull out another chair at the kitchen island. Alec is shaking his head before she’s even properly settled.

“No, 100 times, no. Look, I’ll do what I always do at these sort-of things - stay by Jace’s side and hope any residual socialising comes from there,” Alec shuts his laptop, as if to signal the end of the discussion. Izzy reaches forward and grips Alec by the shoulder. Hard.

“Alec, come on. I’m serious. Either, you make a move, or you actually try and move on from this,” Izzy fixes Alec with a stare that is both intense and caring. “I hate seeing you in this weird… limbo.”

Alec just sighs, a little defeated. Doesn’t Isabelle get it?

Alec hates it more.

~

_2011_

Dance lessons. What kind of sick joke is this?

And yet, here they are. Izzy and Alec are sitting in the car in the back, glancing out of the car window. The sign for _Pandemonium_ shines, a harsh red neon that glimmers even beyond the fog and torrential rain that slaps the window and whips around the car. Alec shakes his head. He really does not want to be here.

Isabelle, on the other hand, looks like she wants to jump out of the car, even without any raincoat. Alec is distantly wondering how they’ll get from the car to inside the studio without getting drenched, when he feels something poke his ankle.

He turns his head to find his mother, holding an umbrella and prodding him to get his attention.

“Ok, remember. This is a chance for you two to just… unwind a little. I know things have been a little tough recently, but I’m hoping this will be fun,” Maryse smiles faintly at the two of them.

Alec wants to groan. He still can’t believe that Izzy managed to convince Mom to let them try out a first free dance lesson together, in hopes of sibling solidarity and, in Alec’s case and put so eloquently by Izzy, loosening up a little. Alec had thought Maryse would argue and save Alec’s ass, but obviously, due to his presence here and now, that ended up not being the case.

“Oh, stop frowning Alec. Remember, if you really don’t like it that much, then you never have to come here again,” Maryse leans forward, beckoning for Alec to do the same. She adds, whispering quietly so Izzy can’t hear, “I know you don’t really want to, but let’s just humour Isabelle. Just for today, alright?”

It’s not like Alec can really say no to that, not when his mother is looking so pleading. Now that he can look at her up close, Alec notes the depth of wrinkles, the weariness behind her smile, the tightness in her eyes. The last few months have been rough for all of them, but the divorce, obviously, hit Maryse the hardest.

This is what gives Alec the strength to shoot back a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. But at the end of the day, he’ll always do anything for family.

Moments later, Izzy and Alec are inside, and they begin walking up the stairs to the small studio, miraculously dry. It seems the weather has slowed everyone down, because when they enter the studio, the only other person there is stretching in the centre of the room.

She’s dressed like she’s ready for a workout, and Alec doesn’t really know what to make of that.

“Hi!” the woman cheers brightly as she notices the two of them standing near the door. The woman doesn’t look very old, and Alec would guess she’s only in her early-twenties. She stops stretching, rushing over to the pair with a small smile on her face. She seems weirdly energetic, considering the weather, and her smile is warm as she gazes at the two of them. “I’m Dot.”

Alec tilts his head in confusion when she doesn’t offer any more information. “Are you… our instructor, or something?” he asks, perhaps a little coldly. But even if he’s here, it’s not like he’s going to act like the most willing participant, even if Dot seems pretty nice.

Dot seems to either not notice the harshness of his tone, or elects to ignore it. “Not an instructor. I’m more just… a guide. This kind-of class is a lot more about self-expression. Going with the flow,” Dot explains, that warm grin still on her face.

 _Going with the flow._ Obviously, Alec’s strong suit.

Before he can ask another question bordering between indifferent and cold, the sound of the door behind them makes Izzy and Alec turn around.

A girl, probably closer to Alec’s age than Izzy’s, stands at the doorway, looking a little surprised at the welcoming committee that seems to have greeted her. Her chocolate curls frame her slim face, and her eyes are wide. Dot walks around Izzy, welcoming the newcomer into the room. Dot introduces herself again, that smile never leaving her face.

The new girl just nods along, politely smiling back at the instructor - sorry, _guide_ \- before she quietly asks if there’s anyone else coming.

“According to my list, there’s two other people coming. I reckon we may as well introduce ourselves to each other whilst we wait,” Dot walks the three of them over to the middle of the studio. Alec is struck by the sight of how one whole wall opposite from them is just a mirror. Alec’s not exactly a fan, to be frank.

The four of them sit down in a makeshift circle, and Dot nods in Izzy’s direction.

“Well, I’m Isabelle Lightwood!” Izzy begins, beaming, excited. Literally the antithesis of how Alec’s feeling right now. “I’m 12 years old, and I’ve always wanted to try dancing, so I’m really excited.”

Izzy blabs for a little longer, though Alec zones her out. It’s not like she’s going to say anything Alec doesn’t already know. Meanwhile, Alec’s head keeps circling around three thoughts.

_I’m going to kill Izzy when we get home._

_I don’t want to be here._

_I’m going to end up being the only guy here. How fun._

Even if Alec doesn’t want to be here, he would never cross the line to being rude, and he zones back in as the new girl begins to introduce herself.

“My name’s Maia Roberts. I’m 14, and, well, I wanted to try something new, so I thought this could be fun,” Maia speaks, and despite how timid she may appear, there’s a chill defiance to her voice as she introduces herself. “I don’t know, we’ll see how this goes and figure it out from there.”

Dot looks like she doesn’t know how to react to that, so she just decides to flick her gaze to Alec instead, silently urging him to introduce himself.

“Well, I’m Isabelle’s sister. I’m Alec Lightwood and -” Alec is cut-off by the sound of the door opening, indicating the arrival of someone new. The four of them turn their heads around to look up at the doorway.

Turns out there’s two new people, standing at the door. The first is a young-looking girl, hair as bright as fire, with a cheeky determined grin on her face. The expression is eerily similar to Izzy’s. But the girl is short, and she rushes into the room, which allows for Alec to look up at the other person.

Redhead moves out of the way, and Alec’s eyes widen.

It’s a guy. _Thank goodness,_ Alec thinks for two seconds, before he begins to register other things.

The guy in question looks older, possibly Alec’s age. His skin is brown, caramel in colour, and his eyes immediately jump-out at Alec, golden as they glitter. There’s an easy smirk on his pretty face, fondness that Alec thinks is directed to the redhead shining in his expression, as he shuts the door behind the two of them and easily walks up to the circle of them.

Alec doesn’t know how to speak. God, what had he been saying before the most handsome person he’d ever laid eyes on had entered the room? What had he been saying?

 _I’m Alec Lightwood, and…_ And?

“And you’re screwed,” Izzy’s mouth is right next to Alec’s ear, somehow reading his mind by finishing the sentence, and it takes all his willpower to not jump up at the sound. She eyes Alec cheekily, no doubt observing Alec’s dumbstruck expression. Her words had been inaudible to everyone else, as the two newcomers settle down in their circle, but her words ring in Alec’s ears nonetheless. All other thoughts disappear as only one crystallises.

_I’m Alec Lightwood, and I’m screwed._

* * *

_2018_

“Maia’s throwing a party.”

Clary looks up from her easel, and Magnus glances up from his phone and notes the paint somehow already smeared on her cheek even though she literally only started painting a few minutes ago.

“Really?” Clary beams. “Where is it?”

Magnus thumbs through his phone, trying to look for the details. “The Hunter’s Moon. Oh, a bar. Looks like you’re not coming, Biscuit.”

Clary shakes her head in exasperation. “Come on, I’ve drunk before,” she sighs, turning her head back to the easel in front of her.

“According to Mom and Dad, you haven’t. And that shall remain the case until you finally turn 21,” Magnus’ tone offers no chance for discussion. And they both understand the truth to it. Jocelyn and Luke are loving parents, to both of them, but they’re also quite strict, especially with things like alcohol.

“Yeah, yeah, fine,” Clary grumbles. Magnus just chuckles at the disgruntled sound.

“Come on. You, Isabelle and Maia literally meet every second week for coffee,” Magnus taps onto the invite list, searching for a specific name. After a moment, he shrugs, eyes flicking back up to look at Clary’s back. “Look, Isabelle hasn’t been invited either. You’re in the same boat. But if you guys want to, just come along anyway.”

Clary looks like she’s about to nod, bending down to reach the bottom of the easel, before she abruptly straightens. She spins fully until she’s facing Magnus, a mischievous glint in her eye as she stalks forward.

“Wait,” Clary takes another couple steps towards Magnus, smirking like she’s in on some secret that he’s unaware of, and Magnus doesn’t understand the sudden shift in mood. She's pointing at Magnus in his chair with the end of the paintbrush she had previously been using, and Magnus hopes she doesn't flick it around too much, lest she get any paint on his clothes. “Who else has been invited?”

Magnus scrolls through the short list. “Not many people we know. I assume most of them are Maia’s college buddies. Oh, Jace is invited. And Cat and Ragnor. Raphael can’t come, and also -” Magnus stops talking when he sees one other mutual friend who’s been invited to the party.

“Let me guess. Alec’s invited too,” Clary’s mischievous smirk has evolved into a knowing grin. Magnus makes a point to ignore the look, staring in fixation at his phone screen instead.

Alec Lightwood. The person who’s owned Magnus’ heart from practically the moment they first knew each other.

“So what if he is? Makes sense,” Magnus mumbles, keeping his gaze locked onto the phone, for fear of revealing his inner thoughts with his expression. To be fair, it's not like he can hide anything from Clary. She's been able to read Magnus like an open book from the moment he had been adopted into the family, when she had been nothing more than a spritely 7-year-old.

Of course, this fact now still remains the case, and despite Magnus’ control, Clary can still hear the inflection in his voice, the only sign of his interest.

“Actually, no. I'm not going to tag along. This gives you and Alec a chance to properly hang out without anyone else there,” Clary explains. Magnus fixes her with a baffled expression.

“Have you not seen the guest list? There's quite a few people there,” Magnus sighs. Clary just shakes her head.

“Izzy and I won't be there. Maia will be busy entertaining everyone since it's _her party._ And you guys don't know many other people coming. It's literally the opportunity you've been waiting for,” Magnus opens his mouth in an attempt to put forward a counter-argument, but Clary steamrolls ahead. “Don't tell me you haven't complained about how you never have had any alone time with him. This is your chance, Magnus.”

Despite the teasing edge to her words, there's a soft determination to her voice in that last sentence. Magnus can hear the plea within those words.

_You have to go for it, or you'll never move on._

Magnus had thought that, after their dance group - though Magnus uses the term “group” very lightly - had disbanded and there was more distance between him and Alec, that he would've gotten over his feelings. It's been three years since their last session with Dot, and currently, the plan hasn't exactly been working. The group of them still like to meet up every once in a while, and they have a group chat on Facebook that swings between being dead for weeks on end, and being hyperactive, constantly buzzing with new messages.

But even after all this time, Magnus and Alec never really have spent time together alone. Before, during and after dance sessions, everyone just spoke in one big huddle. And in their group outings beyond, it would remain the same. They'd all be a group.

So, objectively, Magnus can understand Clary’s thought process.

But it's Alec Lightwood, and Magnus knows him far better than he really should. He can already predict what's going to happen.

“Jace is going. He’ll either try and stay with Jace because he's practically his brother and he's too shy otherwise. Or, if not, he’ll just stay away from the action,” Magnus huffs a little even as he reiterates it to himself.

Magnus would consider himself to be pretty good friends with Alec, but it's always been in the context of the group of them. Maia, Isabelle, Clary, Jace, Alec and Magnus. At the start, it'd only been five of them, but a few months after they had started, Alec had managed to drag his best friend from school along to one of the sessions, Jace Herondale, and he’d enjoyed it so much that he joined their session eventually too.

It's not the worst position to be in with someone you have a crush on. But it's not great either.

Clary's right. Magnus often finds it easiest to blame the group dynamic and how he and Alec never had any alone time for why he never made a move. Why he still hasn't made a move. And of course, Magnus loves the whole group of them together, and doesn't hold any real resentment over it in the slightest.

No one except Clary (who was sworn to secrecy when she forced Magnus to tell her) knows about his feelings for Alec, and he plans to keep it that way.

“You need to _go to him._ He knows you, but he’s shy, and if you approach him, maybe he’ll find it easy to pass the time with you,” Clary argues. “I reckon your problem is, you're using everything as an excuse to not just… confess to him.”

Magnus’ expression turns into an incredulous furrow of the brow. Excuses? No. Magnus Bane doesn't back down from anything.

But Clary continues, ignoring the expression of disbelief on Magnus’ face. “You're so afraid he's going to reject you, that you keep yourself in this weird limbo of possibility instead. There's hope, but you're also unable to move on.”

Magnus is opening his mouth even before Clary is finished. “Ok, maybe there's some truth to that. But also… look, I don't want to jeopardise our friendship in this weird sort-of way. To him, I'm just a friend he used to do dance with. Why risk losing that, losing him?” the spiel pours out of Magnus’ mouth and he's powerless to stop it. Even now, he hates the way that defeat makes his shoulders slump, the dismay of his words somehow clinging to the air of the small space of Clary’s art studio.

Clary sits cross-legged down in front of Magnus chair, and she frowns up with sincerity at Magnus. “You don't know that for certain, Magnus. You need to do something about this.”

But Magnus _does know for certain._ Alec Lightwood plays such an important role in Magnus’ life story, and the guy doesn't even know it. Meanwhile, Magnus knows he never even crosses Alec Lightwood’s mind _in that way_ at all.

 _That's_ why Magnus can't do anything.

~

_2011_

“I'm really sorry about this. Mom’s usually not this late, and I know you guys want to go home,” Magnus mumbles, keeping his eyes on the car window as he looks out to the car-park just beyond the entrance to _Pandemonium._

“It's fine, really,” is the response Magnus gets, and he turns his head slightly to see bright hazel eyes gazing at him earnestly from the passenger’s seat. “It's better you guys are safe, especially with this weather.”

Alec isn't wrong. The weather is somehow even more unrelentless than it had been when Magnus and Clary had been dropped off. The wind is so strong, the rain falling in diagonal sheets, whipping around the car they're in.

“Of course,” chimes in Mrs Lightwood from the driver's seat, turning her head around. “We can wait as long as you need.”

Magnus smiles up gratefully to the woman. “Thank you, Mrs Lightwood,” he mumbles.

The woman smiles, warm and tender. She even lets out a slight chuckle. “Please, call me Maryse.”

“Well, thank you so much, Maryse,” Magnus smiles back.

After a particularly strong jab with his elbow, he hears Clary parrot back, “Thank you Maryse.” Then, she's back to being in her own world with Isabelle Lightwood.

They've only met today, but the two of them get along like a house on fire. Clary whispers something that causes Isabelle to cackle loudly, and Magnus is pleasantly surprised to see Alec look in his direction.

“Sisters can really drive you nuts sometimes,” he mumbles with a smirk, nodding knowingly in the direction of their younger sisters. Magnus registers the soft teasing tone in that low voice, and promptly stifles a laugh of his own with an undignified snort.

Isabelle seems to take offence to that, and she whips her head around to glare at Alec. “Whatever,” she sneers really loudly, before she makes a point of turning her head to ignore her older brother as she continues to chat to Clary. Despite it all, Magnus knows it's all in jest, and he can tell just how close Isabelle and Alec are after only knowing them for one afternoon.

Magnus looks at Alec, and catches him not looking back. Instead, Alec is glancing at Isabelle, eyes dancing in amusement and fondness, the kind-of look that only an older brother can send to a younger sister. Magnus knows this look, knows it well.

It only lasts a brief moment, before Alec turns to look back at Magnus.

The thought had crossed his mind when Magnus had first seen him, and he holds no power as his mind circles back to the musing of how attractive Alec is. He’s stupidly tall, has these warm hazel eyes that enchant you, and a soft smile on his handsome face that makes someone feel like they’re the only person in the world. Currently, Magnus feels fixed to his seat with the expression, and it makes something messy and warm and sweet burst in his chest.

This is uncharted territory for Magnus. He only came out as bisexual to his adopted family a few months ago. Thankfully, Jocelyn, Luke and Clary had all been incredibly supportive, commending Magnus for his bravery whilst also not making a huge deal out of the whole thing. He’s always noticed both guys and girls in passing, has seen and swooned over a cute stranger or a hot neighbour. But he’s never actually felt attracted to someone he knew the name of. Someone actually _in_ his life.

Then again, today’s session was just a trial. Magnus and Clary both loved it, but Magnus doesn’t want to get his hopes up. For all he knows, he may never end up seeing Alec again.

As if she can hear his thoughts, Maryse seems to notice Alec’s dopey smile, for she quirks an eyebrow before she asks, “So, Alec, now that you’ve come once and humoured your sister, you don’t have to force yourself to come again. Weren’t you the one who looked like you’d rather die than come today?”

Alec’s eyes widen, and his expression morphs into one of mortification as he switches his gaze to his mother and promptly reaches across to try and shut her mouth with his hand. “Mom,” Alec sighs in embarrassment. “That’s… not the case anymore. I’ll come next week.”

Magnus is so relieved to hear him say that, that he doesn’t really pay mind to the knowing glance Maryse throws between her son and Magnus.

Before he can say anything else, his phone starts vibrating wildly in his pocket. Quickly, Magnus grabs his phone from his pocket, hushing the buzzing sound as he answers the call.

“Hey Mom,” Magnus chuckles.

“Magnus! Oh God, I’m so sorry I’m late. This weather… anyways, where are you two?” Jocelyn’s voice is high, a sign of her distress, and Magnus is quick to placate her with calm words as he glances back out of the window.

Sure enough, just a few feet away from them, there’s another car, headlights shining out. Jocelyn’s little silver car.

“We’re both in the car just across from you. Another family let us wait in here,” Magnus explains. Dot had been too apologetic that she had to lock the building because she had a prior commitment, and Maia had to leave as well due to a family event later today. Even now, Magnus is thankful that Isabelle and Alec offered for him and Clary to wait in the car with them.

“Oh, please say thank you on my behalf. And tell them that I apologise,” Jocelyn instructs softly. Magnus quickly does so, focusing on Maryse, and she laughs lightly.

“It’s no problem, don’t worry,” Maryse speaks loud enough for Jocelyn to hear. “Anyways, so that car just across from us is your mother?”

Clary seems to finally zone back into the conversation, and she looks out of the window, leaning against Magnus, before nodding. “Yeah, that’s mom.”

“Ok, we’re coming now,” Magnus speaks into the phone. “See you in a sec.”

“See you!” Jocelyn chirps. “Stay dry!”

The call disconnects, and Magnus makes a motion to bend down and grab the umbrella that he and Clary had brought with them today. When he’s holding it loosely in his hands, he straightens, and looks over at all three Lightwoods once again.

“Thank you all again, for letting us wait here,” Magnus’ voice is warm, and he smiles gratefully at all of them. Clary mirrors her sentiments, and they wave slightly before Magnus braces himself to face the brunt of the storm, even if it will only be for a few moments.

He glances back one last time, sees Alec Lightwood looking at him, a smile shadowed with concern as he says quietly, “Try and stay dry, alright?”

It’s not like Magnus had any intention of running out into the rain, no umbrella in hand, and purposefully getting drenched. But the worry in Alec’s voice makes Magnus nod nonetheless, making him feel touched by Alec’s concern, and Magnus gathers strength from the resulting smile of a hazel-eyed boy before he opens the car door, brandishing the umbrella and opening it before quickly ushering Clary out.

The two of them huddle close under the umbrella, scampering quickly until they’re both inside of their own car.

Jocelyn apologises, starts the car up, and begins to ask inquisitive questions about their session as she backs out of the car park. But Magnus’ head feels murky, unable to focus on anything that either she or Clary says.

But he does focus on one thing.

As they pull out of the car park, they pass by the Lightwood car, also on its way out. Jocelyn toots her horn once in appreciation, and Magnus could swear, by the angel, that despite the terrible weather, and the tinting of the car windows, he can see shining hazel eyes and a soft smile, a sign of a whispered goodbye, directed right to him as they drive past.

The messy, warm, sweet feeling in his chest solidifies and settles, turning into - dare Magnus say it - actual butterflies in his stomach.

 _Yeah,_ Magnus thinks glumly to himself. _I’m fucked._

* * *

_2018_

“What do you mean _you’re not going?”_

Alec’s incredulous question is only met with a chuckle that sounds far too amused for Alec’s liking. There’s no remorse in his tone as Jace replies.

“Come on, man. Simon and I have planned this family dinner for weeks! I already called Maia, and she knows what’s up,” Jace replies. When Alec doesn’t respond, Jace continues. “Rebecca is only in town for a few days, and Simon’s been really looking forward to it.”

Try as he might, Alec can’t stay mad about Jace’s reasoning. Jace and Simon haven’t been together for long, and Alec can’t help but feel surprised at how well they gel together, considering how different they seem on a superficial level. And yet, Simon’s the first person that Alec feels like Jace is really invested in, the first person Alec feels like Jace truly cares for in a relationship. So yeah, he understands why Jace won’t come. He’s _happy for Jace._

But damn it, this throws a wrench in his entire plan.

“Alright, fine. But what am I going to do? You and I both know very clearly that I can’t do social interaction with strangers,” Alec takes in a deep breath, trying not to convey how he’s actually freaking out right now.

Jace is quick to try and calm him down. “Come on, surely some people you know are going. And if not, surely that’s not a bad thing?” Jace speaks, and Alec tries to think.

But now, Izzy’s words are coming back to him. They’re the only thing he can focus on.

_This is your chance to get close to Magnus. Close, as in, actual close._

And when Alec closes his eyes, the optimistic part of him can totally see it. It’s unrealistic, but it’s possible nonetheless. In the perfect fantasy crafted in Alec’s mind, he imagines him and Magnus, sitting with their drinks off to one side of the party, talking and laughing and enjoying each other’s company. Growing closer in front of his very eyes. He can imagine seeing the gold in Magnus’ eyes shine in a totally new way, under the lowlights of the bar, a tipsy smirk on his beautiful face as he whispers something for Alec and Alec alone to hear.

“Alec? Hello?” Jace’s voice, questioning and unsure, cuts through Alec’s fantasy. His eyes snap open, jolting as if a bucket of cold water has just been dumped on his head.

“Sorry, what?” Alec asks, having already forgotten what Jace had said before.

Alec hears something that sounds like an undignified snort, before Jace repeats, “Surely some people you know are going. But is it really so bad if not?”

“I think a couple of distant mutual friends are going. But Jace, I can’t talk to strangers. You of all people should know this,” Alec emphasises, leaning against the wall as he keeps the phone propped to his ear. It’s not like Alec is wrong. They only became such fast friends because, for some reason, 6-year-old Jace had made it his mission in life to befriend the 6-year-old shy introvert known as Alec Lightwood, all those years ago back in elementary school. He had been adamant, constantly sitting with Alec and bringing him out of his shell. After all this time, Alec is grateful for that.

What he’s not grateful for is the predicament he’s in right now.

As if the universe is trying to play some cosmic joke on him now, a sound comes from the phone that sounds like Jace clicking his fingers. “Wait, Magnus! Magnus got invited, right? Hang out with him!” Jace speaks, as if he’s come up with the most brilliant plan on the planet.

“Did he?” Alec asks, trying to feign ignorance. The skill of trying to appear nonchalant at the mention of Magnus Bane is a skill he’s been trying to hone over the past seven years. Frankly, he doesn’t think he’s gotten any better at it.

Jace sighs. “Come on, of course he did. But hey, you’ve got someone now. You’ll be fine,” Jace replies breezily.

Alec wants to argue, because now it seems like another person is pretty on-board with Izzy’s plan, even if Jace doesn’t understand the extent of its importance.

“Magnus is great. Maybe he’ll actually help you meet some new people,” Jace continues.

Alec’s heart does that weird tugging thing that it does whenever he hears someone close to him speak highly of Magnus. It sends his mind hurtling down possibilities of the future, of everyone close to Alec loving Magnus with all their hearts. Alec knows that Magnus and Jace are friends in their own right, but he can't help it. Hearing his best friend since childhood say so casually that Magnus is great just makes Alec want to simultaneously laugh and smash his head against the wall he’s currently leaning on.

So yeah, Alec is internally screaming, but all he actually verbalises is a half-hearted mumbling of, “That’s meant to be your job.”

But Jace already sounds like he's moved onto the next thing as he says, “Sorry Alec, I have to go. I'll catch you later. And hey, maybe… nevermind. See you!”

“Hey, no wait! We’re not done w-” Alec's voice is cut off by the sound of the dial tone, indicating that Jace has hung up. In defeat, Alec drops his arm, holding his phone loosely in his hand as he runs his opposing hand through his hair as he briefly wonders about what Jace was going to say before he cut himself off. Unable to do anything else, he sighs loudly.

 _Wait until Izzy hears this,_ he thinks in bewilderment to himself.

~

_2012_

Alec has never seen a guy wear makeup before Magnus Bane.

Maybe that’s what makes it even more entrancing to him now.

It’s never too much. It’s subtle colours on the lids, a slight glimmer on the cheeks. It’s eyeliner that doesn’t overpower the face, but instead just accentuates the beauty of his face tenfold. It’s smart and understated, beautiful yet casual all at once.

It’s what Alec is observing now, as Magnus lays on the studio floor, hand resting on his forehead as he pants breathily, droplets of sweat slowly dripping down the side of his face. Despite the fact that his eyes are closed, he’s having a hushed conversation with Jace, who’s in pretty much a similar position, lying beside him. The fact that they both have their eyes shut, along with the fact that the three girls have all run off to the bathroom and Dot is stretching in the corner, means that no one can catch Alec quietly observing Magnus like this as he sits cross-legged next to them.

Alec notes the touch of glitter on the inner corners of Magnus’ eyes, and his heart thumps in his chest at the sight.

At the end of the day, Alec is a person ruled by logic. When he had first seen Magnus Bane walk into the studio last year, he had obviously been shocked. But he thought the feeling would pass, and Alec dared to not get his hopes up. That was, until Magnus announced proudly when they went around their circle of introductions that he was bisexual.

Since that moment, Alec’s little crush has just grown, because his heart wants to ruin him, and because his mind understands that, logically and theoretically, because Magnus is bisexual, it’s possible that he could be attracted to Alec, even though Alec isn't even out yet. But maybe one day...

His mind loves logic, and his imagination thrives as such.

But it’s more than just because Magnus is still the most attractive person Alec has ever met. There’s so much more to him than that, Alec has learnt over the past few months.

“Alexander?” Magnus’ voice jolts Alec out of his musings, and he realises in embarrassment that he’s been staring right at Magnus the whole time he’s been thinking, even when Magnus had opened his eyes and obviously noticed.

Alec tries to ignore the way his pulse picks up from the way Magnus says his name like that, tries to quell the beginnings of a traitorous smile on his lips. Magnus has been calling him that since practically the day they met, for some reason beyond Alec’s comprehension, but it still always makes Alec feel like a little bit of a wreck every time he hears it.

Instead, he just shakes his head, eyes widening as he clears his throat. “Sorry, I zoned out,” Alec mumbles, hoping the lie works.

It seems to, because Magnus just fake-pouts. Jace has opened his eyes by now as well, and glances at Magnus’ expression with laughter. “Is there something wrong with my eyeliner or something?” Magnus asks, a joking undertone of sadness to his voice that has Alec smirking despite himself.

“No, of course not,” Alec quickly interjects, biting his tongue before he adds some other comment that would be a little too strange, a little too complimentary. Of course, if he let his mouth run wild, he’d probably be able to monologue for ages about how beautiful Magnus’ face is, but obviously, Alec doesn’t want to die of embarrassment today. And so, he keeps his mouth shut.

“Whatever. I’d look good either way,” Magnus chuckles to himself, closing his eyes again. Jace manages to elbow him sharply at the side, laughing.

“Cocky much?” Jace questions. Alec fixes Jace with the most unamused expression at that.

“Says you,” Alec groans, looking at his best friend in order to ignore Magnus’ words. Cocky, sure, but true nonetheless.

 _This_ is what Alec means. Magnus Bane is so self-assured, so confident in himself and who he is, all whilst not taking himself too seriously, and Alec, more than anything, admires and looks up to that. There’s a strength and a grace to his character that Alec knows with a startling certainty that he’s never observed in anyone else before. But that’s Magnus. He’s _proud_ of who he is, and it’s in such a way that makes Alec feel proud of Magnus as well.

That’s why there’s more to this than just a superficial crush based on Magnus’ looks. Because honestly, every week, Alec learns a little bit more about who Magnus is on the inside, and every week, Alec finds himself falling, just a little bit more.

* * *

_2018_

“Are you sure you and Isabelle don't just want to tag along?” Magnus asks for what feels like the millionth time. He knows he's basically grasping at straws at this point, but he can't help it. It’s like some sort-of defence mechanism, a need for safety in numbers. But defense from what?

“Stop trying to use us as an excuse or something,” Clary groans, an irritated scowl on her face as she puts her hands on her hips, facing Magnus. Her fearsome demeanour makes Magnus shrink back, towards the direction of the front door. “Just go and enjoy yourself, please? If it really worries you, don’t even think about Alec.”

Magnus shushes her quickly, averting his gaze to look around the house. Luckily, it seems like Jocelyn is upstairs, too far away to hear anything Clary has just said, and Luke’s still at work.

Clary rolls her eyes. “I really don’t see the big deal in keeping it so secret,” Clary argues, taking another step forward, simultaneously pushing Magnus another step backwards to the front door.

“Don’t you mean _Matt_ , Clary?” Magnus ignores the previous statement, eying Clary pointedly. She just fixes him with such an unimpressed expression. He knows Clary is foregoing the codename in favour of stressing him out further.

Her eyebrows raise like she’s ready to argue again, before she sags a little. “Yes, Matt. Sorry, how could I be _so wrong?”_ In her words, Magnus can hear Clary’s judgement in her sarcasm. Honestly, he understands her confused irritation.

It’s hard to decipher why he feels so secretive about this. It’s not like Jocelyn and Luke dislike Alec. Not at all. On the contrary, they both really like not only the Lightwood family, but everyone in their little group.

Maybe _that’s why._ It’s not like Magnus wants to broadcast his feelings, and he knows he could trust Jocelyn and Luke to keep a lid on things. But who tells their parents about an all-consuming crush all of a sudden? And yet, Magnus also knows it’s more than that.

If Jocelyn or Luke found out, it would mean more people knowing. It would make it more real. And the realer it is to Magnus, the harder the fall will be when he gets his heart broken. The greater the fallout. Magnus hates the idea of even risking it. What’s even worse is that Jocelyn and Luke would be _all for it._ Magnus has noticed many times, how they will casually mention how handsome Alec is, or how sweet the guy is. As if Magnus doesn’t already know.

But Magnus doesn’t have the energy to argue this point across, and instead, he just holds up a hand, almost in surrender. “Fine, I’m heading out,” he mumbles, turning around and taking a couple of extra steps until he’s right at the front door of the house. He gets his keys out, unlocks it, and is about to open it when Clary’s voice cuts through.

“Wait, Magnus. I’m sorry,” Clary says. “Just… take care of yourself, alright? Say hi to Maia for me, and have fun.”

Magnus smiles. It’s small but it’s authentic, and he looks back at Clary with fondness. It’s not like he’s ever been able to stay mad at her. “Alright, boss. Love you.”

Clary smirks. “Love you too.”

And with that, Magnus is out of the door, walking up to the car parked out on the street.

Magnus hates it, wants to keep his expectations as low as possible, but he can't help but entertain the notion that Clary has repeatedly brought up over the last few days. Alec, looking like some lost introverted puppy, clinging to anyone, _anyone,_ he knows. Jace, for sure, but maybe Magnus can try and join them as well.

And Magnus and Alec exchange good banter when they hang out as a group, so what's stopping them from doing it by tonight?

But at the end of the day, Magnus knows he's too unlucky for any of that to happen. The world never works out the way he wants it to, and Magnus has come to terms with that.

That's why he tries to quell his overactive imagination, the seed of optimism in his soul, as he gets into the car and begins to drive to The Hunter’s Moon. He puts his Bluetooth radio on full blast, drumming his ringed fingers on the steering wheel as he sings along to Twenty One Pilots.

 _“Sippin’ on straight chlorine,”_ Magnus mumbles. And he wills himself to not think, and just be.

~

_2013_

**Alec [12.27am]:** _can I ask you something?_

Magnus has to admit, he's surprised to see the messenger notification so late at night. When he clicks it open to see who it's from, he promptly nearly chokes, shock immediately waking him up from any residual drowsiness.

Alec just messaged him.

To be frank, it's not like this is the first time this is happening. Usually, they all chat quite a lot on their group chat. And even on private messages, they've exchanged a few words. Granted, all their previous messages have been over trivial small things. Discussing Dot’s birthday present and Magnus asking Alec about the studio key are fine examples of some of their _scintillating_ conversations in the past. Magnus has always tried to let it lead to more organic conversations, but Alec is terrible at replying.

Well, he's terrible at replying _and_ he's not interested in having an actual conversation with Magnus. That probably doesn't help.

Except for now it seems, because this is different. Alec's question is very open-ended. And it's also so late.

Magnus immediately switches to Messenger, ready with a reply.

 **Magnus [12.29am]:** _Ask away, Alexander._

Magnus sees that Alec is typing, and it remains like this for a solid minute. Then, the three dots disappear altogether. Magnus feels the beginnings of drowsy disappointment cling to him, weighing down his eyelids, when his phone lights up with another message.

 **Alec [12.38am]:** _magnus…_

A long pause. And then...

 **Alec [12.40am]:** _i’m gay_

Magnus’ heart feels like it's on a rollercoaster as he registers those two simple words. The strangest sense of unashamed pure _hope_ bursts in his chest. He knows Alec, knows the seriousness in which he treats these sorts of things, and he knows Alec isn't lying or joking.

Alec Lightwood is _gay. Magnus has a fucking chance._

By the time he's come down from the high of this knowledge, he notices another message. This one is practically an essay. As he reads it, Magnus can’t help but internally scold himself over his initial reaction. This is about Alexander, not himself.

 **Alec [12.46am]:** _i know that's abrupt and strange, but i can't sleep. i wanted to tell you, bc i don't know many people from the lgbtq+ community, and i trust you. and frankly, i’m scared bc i want to come out, but idk how. this is a dumb question, but how did you do it? how did you come out?_

It's rough, awkward, and so delightfully earnest that it makes Magnus sigh loudly to the empty bedroom. He leans further back onto the pillow, settling properly into his bed as he mulls over the question.

No one has ever really asked him about how he came out. It was something Magnus had been thinking about doing for a while, and eventually, at one family dinner, it had just felt right. He’s lucky, he knows, that his entire family was, and have been, nothing but supportive and loving. And Magnus has met Maryse, Isabelle and even their youngest sibling Max on occasion. He knows without a shadow of a doubt that they’d all be nothing but incredibly supportive as well.

 **Magnus [12.48am]:** _Thank you for telling me and trusting me, Alexander. Proud of you :) And to answer your question, I honestly just came out at family dinner one day. It just felt right._

 **Magnus [12.49am]:** _But honestly, it all depends on you, Alexander. How you feel, how safe it is, what you want. Do what’s in your heart._

He has to admit, that last line is really corny. But he sends it nonetheless.

 **Magnus [12.51am]:** _If you don’t mind me asking, what inspired this?_

He doesn’t get anything for a moment, before an answer pops up.

 **Alec [12.54am]:** _i’m tired of lying, i guess_

 **Alec [12.55am]:** _thanks, magnus. sorry for keeping you up, goodnight :)_

And just like, Alec goes offline.

Magnus is left a little shocked by the brief yet profound conversation. He honestly doesn’t feel like he gave any good substantial advice, but Alec seemed content with it. But he’d also left so quickly.

 _Great, he really doesn’t want to talk to me,_ Magnus thinks a little sadly to himself.

But ultimately, Magnus is happy that Alec was confident enough to ask him, to come out to him. He tries not to think too selfishly about it, tries not to think about Alec’s gorgeous smile, his poise and focus when he dances, his shining heart of gold, and those deep hazel eyes, tries not to dwell on the fact that _he actually has a chance with Alec now._

No, this is Alec’s journey, and Magnus refuses to focus on himself and his feelings about it. Not now.

And so, as the spell of sleep begins to curl around Magnus’ mind, and as his eyelids droop, he sends an internal prayer out to the universe. He’s never been a religious person, but he sends the thoughts out into the world anyway. He just hopes that, no matter what, Alec will be happy. And he’ll be ok.

Because, no matter what, that’s all that Magnus wants at the end of the day.

* * *

_2018_

Alec has to admit. He’s not the biggest fan of bars, clubs, and the like, but he does like the chill vibe of The Hunter’s Moon. It’s not a rabid hole of drunk people, and it’s almost… quaint, in a sense.

It’s small, a place of dark wood, warm lights and neon accents. There’s a lot of people here already when Alec enters, and everyone seems to be wrapped up in intimate conversations filled with jovial laughter. Alec sees beer bottles in hands, notices a few people off at the bar downing shots, and even spies a pool table in the back corner of the bar.

In the middle of the foray is none other than Maia Roberts, curly hair bouncing as she nods along to something someone is saying to her. This is easy enough for Alec. He can go to Maia, say hi, and hopefully be able to hang out with her for a little bit.

It’s probably due to his height, but Maia notices him pretty easily as he tries to weave his way through the sea of people, and she smiles brightly before excusing herself from her conversation, in favour of coming up to Alec to give him a hug. Alec squeezes her back gratefully, before they pull apart and Alec brings out a small bag.

“Happy birthday, Maia,” Alec cheers with a small smile as Maia takes the bag.

“Nice to see you, Alec. I’m really glad you could make it,” Maia chuckles. “How’s it going?”

It’s pretty easy to talk to Maia, and it’s one of the reasons Alec likes her so much. She’s got this sense of badass chillness to her, something that seems to offset Alec’s quiet and reserved nature. The two of them chat easily, catch-up about each other’s lives, and generally just trade jabs and jokes as more people come into the bar.

Alec knows his luck will run out eventually, considering this is Maia’s party and she has to talk to everyone. It’s a blissful 10 minutes before Maia’s gaze shifts to look beyond Alec’s shoulder, and her grin is directed to someone else.

Alec turns his head, wondering who is the person who’ll probably snatch his lifeline from right under him. When he sees who’s at the entrance to The Hunter’s Moon, his jaw practically drops.

Magnus Bane stands at the front, the door clanging loudly as it closes behind him. He brushes his hands down his front, as if to clean himself of some invisible dust, and Alec swoons at the sight of dark black polish on his nails. He’s wearing a dark blue coat, along with a sleek black shirt underneath, and simple black pants. When he glances around, Alec catches sight of eyeshadow, darker and more pronounced than usual, and notices Magnus’ lipstick is a shade of dark red that Alec has never seen before.

He tries to not immediately think about smudging said lipstick with a kiss. _He really does_. But he’s only human, at the end of the day.

The words _holy shit_ are running constantly through his mind as Maia takes Alec’s hand, and he realises too little too late that Maia is dragging him along so they can _both_ greet Magnus.

Alec’s internal dialogue shifts from _holy shit_ to simply _fuck,_ over and over again, as him and Maia make their way up to Magnus. No, he needs time to prepare. You can’t just hit him with this image, of Magnus looking somehow hotter than ever before, and expect him to be able to immediately greet him.

Of course, Maia isn’t a mind-reader, and obliviously leads the two of them up to the front. Though Alec can’t help but wonder if there’s something more to her smirk, as if she’s in on some laughable secret that Alec isn’t, as they both meet Magnus.

“Magnus!” Maia cheers as she barrels forward to give Magnus a hug.

“Happy birthday, Maia,” Magnus chuckles quietly. “You’re finally a proper adult like the rest of us.” As Magnus pulls back, he glances at Alec as he speaks.

 _Us,_ Alec thinks to himself, stupidly proud for a brief moment.

Maia snickers, cackling a little as she leans her head back, putting one hand on Magnus’ shoulder and one on Alec’s. “Stop acting all high and mighty. You two are only 22, not fucking 45 with partners and kids,” she laughs, gaze switching between the two of them.

Alec immediately tries not to dwell on the concept of partners and kids, lest he fall back on his ridiculous fantasy of the simple life, because Magnus is great with children, and he has this charming aura that would probably make all the neighbours fall in love with him, and he’d be the one that would spruce up the house with fancy knick-knacks and souvenirs from his travels and -

“I hope Izzy and Clary aren’t out for my blood,” Maia continues, thankfully interrupting Alec’s train of thought. Alec almost chuckles at how wrong Maia is.

“Izzy was actually really chill about it,” Alec replies breezily.

At the same time, Magnus says, “Clary actually didn’t mind too much.”

They both look at each other, equally surprised and puzzled, and Maia just sighs.

“Thank fuck. I didn’t need them roasting me next week over coffee,” Maia retracts her hands from both Magnus and Alec’s shoulders, glancing to the side. “Alright, I’m going to go say hi to some other people, but I’ll leave you two to it.” Alec swears that he catches her wink at them, but it’s quick as a flash. Alec reckons it’s probably a trick of the light, and he registers Maia’s figure leaving them before he realises that _he’s alone with Magnus._

_Don’t panic. Don’t act weird. Don’t be awkward._

“Alexander?” Magnus’ questioning voice brings Alec’s gaze back to his face, and Alec tries not to visibly gulp at the sight of his golden eyes, somehow standing out even more with his dark makeup, up close. “You look tense. Might I suggest we both get a drink?”

Alec’s mouth doesn’t know how to work, and he really could do with a dose of liquid courage, so he just nods mutely. Satisfied, Magnus smiles lowly before he marches forward, weaving expertly through the crowd of people to get to the bar. Alec tries to follow suit, though he already understands that he doesn’t have nearly as much poise and grace that a person can have at a cramped bar like this as Magnus somehow does.

It’s a testament to Alec’s own strength that his gaze doesn’t roam to Magnus’ ass. He feels proud of himself for pulling it off as the two of them arrive at the bar.

“You down for some shots?” Magnus asks, a cheeky smirk on his face.

Alright, here’s the problem with drunk Alec. He says stuff. He talks. He _shares._ There’s no sense of inhibition when it comes to talking, and getting drunk over shots with Magnus already sounds like a terrible idea.

 _No,_ he thinks.

“Yes,” he says.

Alec promptly wants to facepalm, but Magnus’ smirk turns into something warmer, like he’s genuinely excited, and Alec can’t bring himself to backtrack.

And so, Magnus orders a few rounds of shots for the two of them. Alec notes the colourless liquid inside, braces himself as he grabs one.

Magnus holds his own out, and he looks like pure sin, with his dark outfit, his smokey eyes and his casual hold on his shot glass. “To little sisters. Because they can really drive us nuts sometimes, and for once, they’re not here,” Magnus says as he clinks their glasses.

Alec allows himself a moment to be surprised. He didn’t think that Magnus would’ve remembered Alec’s own words from years ago, back on that first day they had met. Alec, on the other hand, reckons that memory will be forever imprinted in his mind. A stormy gale, the five of them packed into the car. Magnus’ shining smile of utter gratitude for something so small, the way Alec had actually talked to him instead of just sitting there silently like he usually would do as the awkward shy kid that he was.

But Magnus _did_ remember. It’s small, but it’s something.

And that’s what allows Alec to wholeheartedly chuckle as he smirks, the word “cheers” leaving his lips before he lifts the shot glass to his lips and downs it all in one go.

_~_

_2013_

“Alec, I am so proud of you,” Isabelle smiles up at him, moving forward to give him a large hug. Alec practically sags into it, despite the height difference, and he smiles giddily as he feels Izzy hold him tight.

“Me too, Alec,” Maryse’s voice is the only warning Alec gets before she too is hugging the both of them.

“And me!” Max cries out, before he tackles all their legs, wrapping his arms around awkwardly to hug them as well.

“Thank you guys,” Alec fears that he’s going to choke up. When was the last time he'd felt so immeasurably happy, so free? It's as if he's slowly but surely been suffocating for years, and now, he can finally take a greedy breath of air. Alec sinks into the feeling, lets the pure emotional course sweep through him as he hugs his family tightly against him.

He'd just come out to his family, and he couldn't have imagined it going any better. And he can’t help but also feel twisted satisfaction, knowing that Robert probably would’ve thrown a fit.

But no. All that matters is that these three people, his family that he loves so much, still care for him and accept him for who he is.

It had been a rushed impulsive decision to message Magnus a few days ago about it. It had been so late, but Alec had been thinking about everything and he hadn’t been able to sleep. Magnus hadn’t said too much, and Alec had felt like too much of an inconvenience to continue the conversation, so he had left pretty much straight after. But Magnus’ words had definitely encouraged him, and he’s grateful for that more than anything.

He definitely needs to thank him, later.

When they all finally pull away, Maryse chuckles sweetly. “So, is there any special guy on your mind then, Alec?” she asks, eyebrows raised in interest.

Max’s eyes widen. “Do you have a boyfriend?” he questions excitedly.

Alec just shakes his head with a carefully neutral expression painted on his face. “Not yet, guys. This doesn’t change the fact that my dating life is still practically non-existent,” Alec explains.

Isabelle remains surprisingly quiet, levelling Alec with an expression that he can’t properly describe. He’s about to ask her what’s wrong, when he hears Max gasp from below.

“Mom, my soccer game! We have to go now, or we’ll be late,” Max cries out, and he’s already rushing out of the living room by the time Maryse has even registered the words.

She sends an apologetic look to her two older children. “Alright, we’re off then. We’ll bring back some burgers from the East Village for lunch, alright?” Maryse smiles.

Izzy doesn’t say anything. Alec’s getting seriously confused now by her silence.

“Ah, yeah. Sounds good, Mom,” Alec chuckles.

“MOM! Come on!” Max’s loud shout jolts the three of them, resounding from where Alec assumes is the front door.

“Coming!” Maryse calls back. She begins to walk to the front door, meeting her youngest at the front, before she turns quickly to blow a kiss to her two other children. And just like that, the two of them are out of the house.

Now that it’s just the two of them alone, Alec’s mouth parts, ready to ask Izzy about what’s up, when he notices her expression.

The smirk on her face is cheeky, almost devilish, like she’s in on something that Alec isn’t. It just makes Alec feel even more confused.

“Now that it’s just us, it’s time for you to spill,” Isabelle falls back gracefully until she’s properly seated on the couch in the living room. Crossing her legs and looking up at Alec, his palms begin to feel a little sweaty.

“I literally just spilled everything,” Alec begins, walking closer until he’s standing right in front of his sister. But even as he says it, he can see the disbelief cross her face.

“And that begs the question as to what inspired you to do so?” Isabelle’s not being too forceful, but there’s an underlying curiosity to her question that Alec knows only a sibling would have. Alec opens his mouth to say something generic, but Izzy holds a hand out to stop him. “Alec, I’m your sister. I’m the person who knows you best. I know you.”

“Wait, what? You already knew?” Alec’s eyes widen, his expression turning into one of shock.

Izzy tilts her head and sighs. “Not explicitly, but I had a feeling. But it’s more than just you being gay, Alec. I’m not blind. We go to dance sessions _together,_ remember?”

When Alec registers the words _dance sessions,_ it finally clicks as to what Izzy is talking about.

She’s smiling up at him again, but it’s less teasing this time. More warm and genuine. “Am I going to have to spell this out for you?” she asks, but there’s no malice in her words. They sound soft, quiet.

Alec sighs. He’s never been able to keep stuff from Izzy. And he knows that she’s too stubborn to let this go. He can see the curious conviction, the intent, in her brown eyes that bore into his own. It seems like she already practically knows.

“Alright,” Alec sighs, and he moves forward until he’s also sitting on the couch, across from Izzy. “Whatever I tell you now, you can’t repeat to _anyone._ Alright?”

Izzy looks like she’s about to laugh, but then she must see the seriousness in Alec’s expression, because she ends up just nodding resolutely. “Of course, big brother. Don’t worry,” she replies sincerely. Alec trusts her, trusts that she’ll keep her word, and he releases a shuddering deep breath before he speaks.

“Well… if you’re insinuating what I think you are, then… let’s just say you’re not wrong,” Alec begins, a little cryptically, he must admit.

“Are you and I talking about the same glittery tall guy that we happen to see every Wednesday?” Isabelle asks, smirking a little.

Alec gulps, before he nods slowly. “Yeah, we are,” Alec finally admits, and he feels himself relax a little as he sees the giant grin take over Izzy’s face.

“I knew it!” she exclaims. “I always knew you were so whipped from the day you met.”

“Really?” Alec asks, fear creeping into his tone.

“Yeah. But don’t worry. For someone with a crush, you’re actually pretty subtle. I never would’ve known if not for the fact that I’m your sister, I see you guys interact a lot, and I’m pretty observant, if I do say so myself,” Isabelle chuckles, alleviating Alec’s fears of acting out or seeming too obvious.

“Well, yeah. I like Magnus. A lot,” Alec realises with a jolt that this is the first time he’s ever actually said it out loud. There’s never been a need to say it aloud before. There’s a liberating joy to the feeling, and Isabelle’s grin grows impossibly wider upon hearing those words. “And I guess you’re right. How I feel for him, and seeing him be so confident and proud of himself for who he is… it inspired me.”

Isabelle’s expression turns fond. “Aw Alec, that’s so sweet,” with these words, she slides along the couch until she’s closer to Alec. “Alright, we’ve got some time now. I need details.”

Alec shakes his head. “No, I don’t want to bore you with this stuff. I’m sure it’s pretty uninteresting,” Alec sighs.

Isabelle frowns. “Alec, you’re always letting me rant about my problems. How many times have I barged into your room, talking about a random guy? And don’t worry, I’m very interested to hear about this. So please, tell me _everything.”_

Alec analyses her expression, and finds nothing but genuine intrigue in the curve of Izzy’s brow, the way she leans forward, ready to hear every word.

And honestly, Alec’s never really had the opportunity to talk about Magnus like this before.

He leans further back, settling into the couch. “Well, you’re right. The day that I met Magnus, I was already a goner.” Izzy just grins brightly.

And he can’t really stop himself from talking after that.

* * *

_2018_

_You’re adorable when you’re tipsy,_ Magnus thinks as he looks at Alec _._ Magnus smiles as he holds up his last shot. He’s far more accustomed to handling his alcohol compared to Alec, it seems. Alec isn’t flat-out drunk, but he’s definitely more drunk than Magnus has ever seen him.

Alec blushes, looking down at the dark wood of the bar table with a small smile. “Ah, thanks?” he says, voice lifting at the end as he chuckles awkwardly.

Shit, did Magnus actually say that out loud? Never mind, he’s obviously not handling this alcohol as well as he normally would. But then again, having Alec near always manages to make him short-circuit.

“Sorry,” Magnus mumbles. “That was weird, I -”

“No, Magnus. It’s fine,” Alec smiles, that cute blush still on his face. Really, it’s _inconceivably rude_ , how gorgeous this guy is. Magnus makes sure not to let that thought slip out.

Instead, he just nods. “Ok then,” Magnus grins, happy to hear Alec’s reply. Maybe that’s what gives him the courage to lean forward to clink their last shot glasses together and say, “To us.”

It’s simple, short, and the two words hold so much more weight in Magnus’ mind. He notes the sparkle in Alec’s eye upon hearing those two words, hears him mumble a responding “cheers” before he closes his eyes and downs the last shot.

Magnus gulps, following the movement of Alec’s throat as he swallows, and shakes his head to himself before he himself downs his shot.

The alcohol lights up Magnus’ veins, and he feels giddiness overtake him at the fact that, ever since he arrived at Maia’s party, he’s been able to spend time with Alec. Majority of the time, _alone_ with Alec.

They’ve spent who knows how long, trading stories, talking about random crap, and learning more about each other in between their shots. Magnus fears that any more alcohol is probably not going to work out well for either of them, and declines the bartender’s offer for more.

“Hey, up for a game?” Alec’s question as he points towards the pool table makes Magnus smile. _It almost feels like a bit of a date._

“Why, if you’re alright with getting your ass whooped, then of course,” Magnus smirks. He stands up loudly, crossing his arms across his chest. Alec stands too, in a way that brings him closer as he leans forward. Magnus knows, rationally, that Alec’s doing this to try and use what little extra height he has as a form of friendly competitive intimidation, but suddenly Magnus’ senses whirl into override when he realises how close they are now.

Time stills.

With this lighting, Alec’s hazel eyes seem to glitter. Magnus notes the air in between them, tinged with the comforting smell of oak and something else that is purely Alec. The proximity makes Magnus’ head swim, and he ignores the strong primal urge within him to close the distance and kiss Alec hard.

There are many things about Alec that Magnus has fallen for over the years. His giant grin when he gets caught off-guard with a joke. The sincere, wholehearted way he throws himself into whatever he needs to accomplish. The stubborn perfectionism that makes him try his best, no matter how big or small something is. How deeply he cares for those he's close to. But there's also no denying that the man is insanely hot. And he's _so close,_ and the alcohol is starting to really kick in, in the form of quiet urgings in Magnus’ head to move closer, to _get closer to Alexander._

Against all odds, to save himself from doing something that will ultimately end in heartbreak, Magnus takes a bracing step back. Time starts again, and the spell breaks.

Maybe it doesn’t break fully though. Alec’s smirking at him still, seemingly more confident than Magnus has ever witnessed before. Magnus adores Alec’s naturally shy nature, but seeing him loosening up a little is also quite refreshing, and definitely not unwelcome.

“We’ll see about that,” Alec chuckles, voice low and a little husky from all the alcohol, and it takes all of Magnus’ willpower to not completely buckle at the sound.

Instead, Magnus focuses on the competitive fire that Alec’s words set alight. Friendly competition is enough to distract him from thinking about practically throwing himself into Alec’s arms, as the two of them walk over to the pool table, which is miraculously free.

Alec grabs two pool cues, and passes one to Magnus as he approaches. Magnus wonders if he’s imagining the deliberate intent in the way Alec’s fingers brush against his as he hands the cue over. Maybe the alcohol is really messing with Magnus’ head.

The two of them quickly set-up the pool table, and they flip a coin to figure out who’s going first. Alec ends up winning, and he leans down to shoot the break shot, tongue sticking out a little in an expression of intense focus.

Magnus tries _really hard,_ but honestly, he doesn't have the strength at this point to stop himself from glancing appreciatively at Alec's backside. It's not like the other man can see, what with his focus in the other direction as he lines up his shot. And his ass looks terribly good in those jeans. It's a miracle that Magnus has survived up until now, with such a sight blessing him like this.

Alec manages to pot one striped ball, and on his next turn, he gets another one in. He glances up at Magnus, smirking a little, when he pots a third ball in a row.

_Can he stop being good at stuff? Please?_

“What were you saying before? About an ass whooping?” Alec tilts his head to the side in faux naivety, and Magnus just frowns. His word choice when he'd been challenging Alec before just came back to bite him in the butt.

“That's unfair. You're just good at aiming. From all that archery you used to do,” Magnus sighs, staring intently at the pool table as if it has committed some kind-of crime against him

Alec's expression turns from teasing and cocky to something more akin to surprise. “I didn't think you'd remember that,” Alec says, and Magnus doesn't know if his tone is shocked or awed.

Magnus’ eyes widen. _Fuck,_ he is not subtle, is he. Is this some sort-of delayed reaction to the alcohol, or is Magnus actually that stupid?

Alec would never understand this, but when you have feelings for someone, you remember every bit of random crap they tell you. When Alec had casually mentioned once that he used to do archery, it had been just another detail that had basically been imprinted into Magnus’ memory.

But casual friends don't remember details like that, do they?

Alec doesn’t say anything else, and Magnus doesn't know how to respond so he doesn't either. Instead, he just sees Alec miss his next shot, and he takes a step forward just as Alec backs away.

Magnus catches the small pleased looking smile on Alec's face, and suddenly he doesn't feel so worried or embarrassed anymore. And a small part of him dares to have just a little bit of hope. He’s felt it building since this whole night started.

He bends down, closes one eye, lines up, and takes his shot.

_~_

_2014_

Magnus sits cross-legged, pretending he's looking at his phone on the studio floor, when in reality, he's observing.

Alec and Isabelle are playfully dancing in the middle of the studio floor, large grins on their faces as they twirl around and do the occasional dip. There's no actual technique to their dancing, just light-hearted fun, and Dot and Maia are sitting together and fiddling with the Bluetooth speaker that controls the music, laughing along. Magnus doesn't know what song is playing, doesn't even register any of the surrounding humdrum. He only notices the way Alec's eyes crinkle as he laughs, how he somehow still keeps his steps perfect even when they're only half-heartedly dancing for fun.

Jace is sick today, so it's only the five of them with Dot. The weather is disgusting, and Magnus can hear the downpour even from where they are inside, with the windows shut and everything. He glances back down to his phone, trying not to look too fixated on a certain annoyingly tall handsome guy.

“Magnus!” a loud cheer brings Magnus’ gaze up, and he spies bright red hair a second before Clary dives onto the floor, landing right next to him. “What’re you up to?”

Magnus holds up his phone. “Uh, just on…” he trails off to check what app is even open, and he internally groans when he realises that, in his haze of watching Alexander, he’s had his phone open on the McDonald’s app. “McDonald’s.”

Clary nods her head. “Ah, yes. The best way to pass the time,” she sighs sarcastically, leaning a little closer so that the next thing she says is inaudible to everyone else. “You really aren’t subtle, are you.”

It should be phrased as a question, but it isn’t, belying the certainty in Clary’s observation. When Magnus doesn’t say anything in response and just clicks his phone off with a huff, Clary chuckles.

“Penny for your thoughts?” she asks after a few moments of comfortable silence. They’re both just watching everyone else in front of them, and Magnus loves the calm and friendly atmosphere of this place.

“He seems so much… freer, these days,” Magnus observes, tone turning a little wistful, as he sees Izzy try and dip Alec, resulting with him landing on the floor with a loud laugh.

“He’s out and proud,” Clary says, pride in her voice. “You know what that means, right?”

Magnus shakes his head, still looking up at the pair of siblings. Maia changes the song to something more upbeat, and Alec gets up from the floor as the two of them start to dance again. He tries to ignore the hopeful teasing sentiment in the tone of his younger sister.

“I’m happy for him,” Magnus smiles, dutifully ignoring Clary’s second comment and any connotations of said comment.  Even now, Magnus can't get over Clary’s enthusiasm for his crush. But before either of them can add anything else, Dot gets up from the floor and approaches the two of them.

“Come on guys!” she cheers loudly, and as if on cue, Maia turns the music up even louder. Dot holds out two hands, eyes warm and excited. Clary reaches out, grabbing one hand, and after she sharply elbows Magnus, he too reaches out to grab Dot’s other outstretched hand. She hauls the two of them up with a bubbly laugh, before moving over to drag Maia to stand up too.

Magnus doesn’t even know what song is playing, because now he sees Alec up close, and the breath gets fucking knocked out of his lungs when he sees the faint upturn of his lip, suddenly so close. Alec laughs, a little breathlessly, and it only lasts for a moment, but it’s as if it’s just them.

The rest of the studio, everyone else, fades away.

It reminds Magnus of another time when he’d felt like this. When Alec had just properly come out, and he had dragged Magnus off to the side for a moment to thank him.

_I wanted to thank you, for your advice. To, you know, follow my heart. Thank you so much, Magnus. Really, thank you._

Hazel eyes, gazing intently and earnestly and gratefully back at Magnus, pinning him to the moment in time and space. Magnus feels his soul hurtling towards the memory as they look at each other, here and now.

The moment disappears in a flash, when the others spin into view.

Not that Magnus minds too much. He fears that if he remains in that state for any longer, he’ll do something ridiculous, like launch forward and smash his lips against Alec’s.

Clary grabs Magnus’ hand, and she prompts him to spin on the spot. When he stops, he swears for a brief second that Alec had been glancing at him in awe. But then Alec’s attention is grabbed by Maia jumping onto his back spontaneously, forcing him to piggyback her.

If you had to ask Magnus what kind-of dance group this even was, the only answer you’d get is a resounding shrug. They’re not professional in the slightest. Half the time, they all just come together to jump around and do random crap. And honestly, with the friends he’s made here, Magnus wouldn’t have it any other way.

Being a senior is difficult. There’s always a level of underlying stress in everything. It’s the most important year for everything. But coming here is a little pocket of time in Magnus’ week, where he can forget about everything and just live a little. Have some fun. Be free.

He can see his friends. He can see _Alec._ It’s the best part of his week, these Wednesday afternoons, and Magnus wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Noticing Alec’s broad smile as he jokingly almost drops Maia to the floor, causing her to yell in fear and irritation, Magnus reflects on what he had observed earlier to Clary. It’s so true. Alec has really grown into himself over the past few months, ever since he came out. There’s no sense of restraint to him anymore. He’s still shy, but now, with his friends, he seems so much more open and happy.

He’s a dork. He’s a sweetie. He’s a shining light.

When he looks at Alec, cliche as it sounds, Magnus sees his dream.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you liked it!
> 
> thanks for reading, lots of love <3


	2. There's 'Bout a Million Places We Could Go, But I'd Rather Be Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> forgot to mention, the chapter titles come from the song chasing parties by sasha sloan.
> 
> here's part 2 - join me on this emo-but-not-so-emo journey, and enjoy the inevitable fluff bc malec are soulmates yeet

* * *

_2018_

Alec doesn’t know if it’s the alcohol, his own stupid optimism, or a combination of both, but something about all this that has happened so far makes Alec think of so many ridiculous possibilities that he never entertained before.

It’s a bunch of little things. Magnus’ lingering gazes. How he hasn’t tried to leave Alec’s side once during this whole evening so far. He had literally said, to Alec, “You’re adorable when you’re tipsy.” Alec had almost choked on his own spit in pure shock at the sudden compliment. And that charged moment just before they had gone to the pool table, bolstered by the confidence that the shots had granted Alec.

It’s the first time Alec has dared to hope, and as they play pool now, Alec knows he’s not imagining it - there’s something new to their dynamic. Something a little more frenetic, buoyed by teasing lines and competitive jabs, intense stares and tipsy smirks.

At this point, where Alec would consider himself somewhere between tipsy and drunk, he has no self-control, and can’t stop himself from checking Magnus out every second he gets. And he wonders if he’s imagining if Magnus is checking him out too.

It doesn’t help that Magnus is freakishly good at pool, and they match each other pretty well in skill. Magnus manages to pot one of his shots whilst he’s not even looking at the table, glancing at Alec with fire in his eyes and a matchless confidence as the ball lands in the pocket.

Alec has to admit, it’s fucking hot.

He doesn’t know how many games pass by. Alec wins the first one, prompting Magnus to ask for a rematch, before he wins the second one. And so, they continue as such, always so close to each other in score, one of them never really outdoing the other, and a consistent dialogue for rematches occurring between them. Only when they notice another pair waiting off to the side do they realise that they’ve been hogging the table for who knows how long, and they quickly finish off their last game with Magnus winning.

“Ha, I won,” Magnus chuckles, sticking out his tongue as the two of them move further towards the back of the bar.

“Really? Because I reckon, overall, I totally beat you,” Alec counters, crossing his arms as he sees Magnus turn slowly to lean against the back wall of the bar. He fixes Magnus with a challenging stare as the other man chuckles. Truth be told, Alec lost count of how many games they each won, but Magnus doesn’t need to know that.

Magnus looks at him, and Alec doesn’t know how to describe the warm way his golden eyes glance at him. They’re entrancing, rich and deep like honey, and Alec can’t bring himself to look away.

“I feel bad,” Alec says quietly, and really, a little randomly, not daring to break eye-contact. Something heady settles between them, and instead of choosing to speak louder, Alec decides to lean further forward, keeping the low volume but closing the distance so that only Magnus can hear him speak.

Magnus’ eyes widen. “What for?” he asks, matching Alec’s quiet volume, his brow furrowed in actual confusion.

“I feel like I’ve been weighing you down,” Alec continues. He really shouldn’t being saying any of this, but the alcohol really does make him more talkative than usual.

“Whatever could you mean, Alexander?” Magnus questions. Alec can’t be imagining the way that Magnus is leaning further forward too, right?

Alec feels hazy. The music sounds muted, the surrounding chaos nothing but a distant flicker. Nothing compares to Magnus, with his eyes of gold, and his quiet voice, and those stupidly red lips that seem so close now.

“I’ve been stuck to your hip all night,” Alec explains, and if it were any other situation, he’d glance away sheepishly. But he really can’t drag his gaze away from Magnus, not now. “I’m not good with strangers, but if you want to go hang out with some other people, that’s ok.”

Alec means it. He’s gotten way more out of this night than he ever dared to anticipate. He knows that, no matter what, he’ll never forget tonight. Spending so much time with Magnus, _alone._ It’s almost ridiculous, that no one else, the entire night basically, has interrupted their little private bubble. He’s surprised that Magnus has stuck by him for this long. Normally, he’s the kind-of person that loves to mingle, that loves to be in the middle of the party, soaking up the cheers and laughs of friends and strangers alike. He has that enigmatic energy to him that attracts people, that attracts Alec. And yet, tonight, it seems he’s only had eyes for Alec.

It’s almost too good to be true.

Tonight’s been a dream, so far. He’s seen Magnus come alive in a way he’s never witnessed before. Enjoyed lengthy discussions, hearty drinks, playful games of pool. Alec will take what he’s gotten and not hold Magnus back any longer.

But then Alec sees the surprise on Magnus’ face, followed by a smile that looks somehow so intimate.

“Oh, Alexander, don’t you get it?” Magnus’ voice is achingly soft, in such stark contrast to the raucous sounds surrounding them, and it somehow tethers Alec to the moment. Magnus’ eyes are bright, and his sincere smile just widens. “I’m exactly where I want to be.”

He wouldn’t think it to be possible, but upon hearing those words, the love and the hope in Alec’s heart only grows.

_~_

_2015_

Alec knew that it would never last forever, but it still feels like a blow to the chest when Dot reveals that Pandemonium is shutting down at the end of the year.

When she reveals the news to their little huddle, they all remain silent. They all know what it means, all seem to mourn in the moment. The death of _this._ Of Wednesday afternoons, of pure freedom in a sunlit studio in the most random corner of New York.

Then Dot explains that she's moving to Canada in the winter, and the silence turns into expressed shock.

“Wait, what?” Maia asks, as if she's misheard. “Dot, Canada? Really?” There's hurt on her face, and it seems to perfectly mirror how Alec feels.

“I'm moving with Elliot, so we can be up closer to his family,” Dot explains calmly. “I'm sorry to be the bearer of such bad news.”

It's not like Alec can really blame Dot. It's not her fault that Pandemonium is shutting down. And it's not like she would ever be against moving with her long-term boyfriend. But it’s hard to hear that she’ll be leaving - even though she’s technically their guide (though she still teasingly calls herself an instructor in front of Alec as an ample reminder of his terrible inability to make a good first impression), she’s become a friend in some unique sort of way.

“But you’re our hipster aunt figure! You can’t leave us,” Jace says, and Alec has to a admit, the description fits perfectly.

Dot smiles, but it’s an expression tinged with sadness, and her eyes, usually so warm and soulful, look dull. “Hipster aunt? I thought I gave off a more… artsy hoe vibe.”

That gets Clary to laugh. “If only,” she chuckles, but the laughter is short-lived, and pretty soon, it’s just quiet.

Alec’s gut twists at the concept of never having this anymore. It’s been the strangest immovable fixture in his life over the last five years. Funny to think, how unenthused he’d originally been at the prospect of dance sessions. But this is a place where every worry and thought of the outside world will fade away. Instead, it’s a time to laugh, to see who can spin the most number of times on the spot, to just have fun. Alec has made friends for life here, and he already knows without a doubt that, even without the sessions on anymore, everyone will find a chance to hang-out from next year onwards. They already like to meet up occasionally during their free time, so surely none of that will change?

And he can’t help it. He can’t help how his gaze flicks over to the person across from him in this circle, as his brain zeroes in on one thought: Alec _met_ Magnus here. In this very studio, all those years ago, was the first time that Alec had seen bright golden eyes, and subsequently began his descent. There will be no chance to see Magnus weekly anymore, and that thought alone is so discomforting that Alec doesn’t even know what to do.

Magnus is glancing at his lap, not looking up at anyone, and Alec allows himself one more moment of staring before his phone buzzes in his pocket.

“Iz,” Alec whispers after a moment, breaking the silence. “It’s Mom. We have to go.”

Izzy glances up, and she just nods mutely. The two of them get up, say their goodbyes, and leave the studio.

It’s a very short walk from the studio to the car, but Izzy manages to fit in one question.

“Alec, what are you going to do?”

And just before the two of them enter the car, and as Alec’s hand rests on the passenger door handle, he looks at his little sister, the only one in the world who has an inkling of what’s going through his head, and he shrugs in defeat.

“I don’t know, Iz,” Alec sighs. “I just… don’t know.”

* * *

_2018_

Magnus has said way too much tonight. And yet, every time he’s said something definitely a little inappropriate, Alec has surprised him with a warm response.

Like now. Alcohol seems to really bring out the romantic in him, and he almost regrets his words as soon as they slip out. It’s the corny, sappy sort of line that couples in love say to each other. Not one friend to another. It’s too much. He’s too much.

Normally, Magnus is all for soaking up the festivities at these sort of events. But how can any of that hold a candle to the fun, to the greatness, that is one evening alone with Alexander Lightwood?

 _You’re not supposed to say stuff like that,_ Magnus thinks. _It’s too much._

But Alec just grins brightly, illuminating the dimness of the bar with his expression alone and outshining the doubt in Magnus’ heart. “Would it be weird if I told you I felt the same way?” he asks, sincerity obvious in his words. Magnus can’t help but replicate Alec’s expression with a wide smile of his own upon registering those words.

“Not weird at all,” Magnus hums, leaning his head back against brick wall of the bar. He registers the song change to something he recognises, and he begins to bop his head along to the beat as it slowly pervades the bar.

Alec’s smile somehow widens even more. “I love this song,” he whispers.

Magnus doesn’t know if he’s the best actor, but he tries nonetheless. He raises his eyebrows in an attempt at surprise. “You know Billie Eilish?” he asks, as if he doesn’t already know.

On the contrary, Magnus remembers when he’d seen Alec like a picture on Instagram from her ages ago, and he’d subsequently had a 10 minute rant to Clary about how Alec is too stupidly perfect for anyone’s good. She had just smiled and nodded the entire time, though he reckons that she probably zoned out of the entire thing.

Just as Magnus expects, Alec nods. “Yeah. I used to feel so special knowing her, but it seems like she’s becoming pretty popular,” he reflects.

Magnus nods. “Exactly. But I am happy that she released a music video for my favourite from the EP finally,” he adds, head still bopping to the beat.

Alec’s eyes widen. “No way. Your favourite is ‘Hostage’ as well?” he questions.

 _What is this?_ Magnus thinks to himself dizzily. _Fate? Destiny? The work of God?_

Magnus just nods, eyes wide.

It’s more than just the fact that they share a favourite song. The song is literally what Magnus listens to when he’s feeling the need to torture himself over his unrequited feelings. It’s a song of fatalistic romance, and it’s eerie, how similar the words reflect how deeply affected Magnus is, how affected he’s always been, in the presence of someone as amazing as Alexander.

Ok, this _has_ to be a sign. It has to. It’s too uncanny to not be.

Magnus sees Alec’s hazel eyes, always so expressive, and in this moment, for the first time, Magnus feels the pure transparency in Alec’s thoughts. Magnus doesn’t know how, he just knows for a fact that Alec is thinking the exact thing.

And yet, as always is the case with Alexander Lightwood, Magnus just doesn’t know what to do.

~

_2016_

_“THAT’S WHAT MAKES YOU BEAUTIFUL!”_ Clary and Isabelle finish their song, practically screaming into their mics as they stand at the front of their little karaoke room. They’ve all been singing along as well, but those two girls dominate, voices drowning out even the amplified voices of One Direction as the song draws to a close.

Jace snickers, and Maia claps, cheering loudly. Magnus doesn’t really know how to react to what he just witnessed, and just stares in awestruck shock at them. Maybe the shock is more directed towards their volume. Despite how small they both are, they’ve been belting out every song they’ve come across, and Magnus is surprised that neither of them have lost their voices.

The screen fades to black and the next video fades in.

“Whose song choice was this?” Isabelle asks, glancing in confusion at the screen as the instrumental begins.

Magnus scoffs. “Why, mine of course. Come on, surely you guys know this one.”

He’s surprised to find everyone shaking their heads.

“I know Charlie Puth, just not this song,” Clary grumbles.

“Hey, he has an eyebrow scar like you, Alec,” Jace adds unhelpfully.

“Well, you know the rule. If only one person knows the song, we skip,” Maia says, and she begins to stand up from the plush couch attached to the opposing wall of the karaoke room, when another voice stops her.

“I know it,” Alec mumbles. Magnus almost can’t hear it over the melodic introduction of the song that plays loudly in the room.

Magnus smirks in Maia’s direction, pointing a finger like a petulant child. “Ha,” he says simply, before he takes one offered mic from Clary, pointedly ignoring her arched brow of intrigue. He thinks that he sees a teasing smirk on Izzy’s face as she passes her mic to Alec, could almost swear that Alec is blushing, but Magnus blames the hallucination on his overactive imagination and the dim lighting in here.

Upon the urging of everyone else in the room, Magnus and Alec get up to the front, facing in a way that they can both see their friends and the lyrics on the screen.

“Man, why’d you pick this one, Magnus? He sings so fucking high,” Alec mutters. Magnus can’t really get in an answer before they’re both singing as the music starts.

 _“This is gonna hurt but I blame myself first,_  
_'Cause I ignored the truth._  
_Drunk off that love, my head up,_ _  
There's no forgetting you.”_

Magnus can’t help but wonder why he did pick this song, now that he thinks about it. Even though Magnus can’t really hear Alec over his own voice and the pounding instrumental, the two of them singing alone is something that he was not expecting out of tonight. Especially to a song like this, with _lyrics like this._

The world really likes to make fun of Magnus Bane, doesn’t it.

 _“You've awoken me, but you're choking me,_  
_I was so obsessed._ _  
Gave you all of me, and now honestly, I got nothing left.”_

Magnus tries to ignore how this song is literally his life story, for the person he’s singing a duet with, no less. And even though they don't all see each other weekly anymore, Magnus’ feelings haven't disappeared, and have only seemed to grow from distance and absence. The world is continuing to make fun of him.

The two of them look at each other expectantly, ready for the smashing chorus.

But then Magnus sneezes, missing the beat, and it leaves Alec singing alone.

 _“I loved you dangerously,_ _  
_ _More than the air that I breathe.”_

And now that it’s Alec singing alone, Magnus can’t bring himself to open his mouth again and rejoin. How could he? Because _holy shit,_ Alexander has an amazing voice.

It’s not like he’s the loudest person in general, and it’s easy for him to get drowned out by more energetic participants when they sing karaoke normally. And it's not like he ever offers to solo. Even when they’d been singing together at the start, Magnus’ focus had been diverted to trying to stay in tune. But now, Alec has totally surrendered to the music, and it doesn’t seem like he’s realised that Magnus has stopped.

 _“Knew we would crash at the speed that we were going,_  
_Didn't care if the explosion ruined me._ _  
Baby, I loved you dangerously.”_

“What the actual fuck?” Jace calls out in apparent shock, but Magnus can’t spare a moment to see his expression, not when he’s seeing Alec like this. He can’t tear his eyes away.

Alec’s eyes are closed, and he’s breathing heavily, and he’s hit every (freakishly high) note spot-on. _How does someone with such a deep voice manage to hit notes like that?_

But it’s more than that. Alec sings in a way that feels soulful and light all at once, in such a way that Magnus can convince himself that Alec relates to the lyrics. There’s a personal need, profound and raw, that tinges his words as he sings, as if he himself wrote this song. _That’s_ how good he is.

Who knows? Maybe Alec really does feel that way about someone. Maybe he loved (or, Magnus thinks in terror, _loves_ ) someone with such a ferocity, and he understands. Maybe that’s how he can pour his soul into belting out those notes. The thought makes Magnus want to vomit, but he just shakes his head, and zones back in to hear other shouts of shock from the others. Apparently, they’re all in the same boat as Magnus, not knowing that Alec had the capacity to _sing so well._

“Alec, I didn’t know you could sing like that!” Clary cries.

“Woah, you've got some pipes,” Maia sighs.

Jace has stopped talking and is just gaping like a fish.

Even Isabelle’s eyes are wide with surprise, but there’s something underlying her expression of shocked pride, something knowing, that Magnus can’t place. “Damn, big brother,” she laughs.

And Alec glances around, suddenly hyper-aware of all eyes on him, and he’s definitely blushing now. He locks eyes with Magnus. “We’re meant to be singing together,” Alec groans, though he sounds more embarrassed than mad. He has to speak especially loud, because Charlie’s already moved onto the second verse with neither of them in tow.

Realising with a jolt that Magnus hadn't said anything, he gulps, keeping his gaze trained on Alec's stupidly handsome face.

 _You're incredible,_ Magnus wants to say. It’s on the tip of his tongue, so close to breaching the surface of reality.

“Your voice is incredible,” he says instead, but he doesn’t hold back any of the awe he feels. He only lets the compliment out because everyone else has been pretty liberal with their comments, but he means it wholeheartedly. He means it, so much.

And Alec? Everyone has complimented him, but only after Magnus speaks does he bite his lip in shyness, shaking his head. A lock of dark hair falls into his face from the motion, and Magnus aches to reach out and tuck it back into place.

 _The world really does enjoy screwing me over,_ Magnus thinks to himself instead.

* * *

_2018_

Alec wants to kiss him. He's so close, and Alec just wants to lean forward, forget any doubt and just kiss him. But he can't. Even in his tipsy haze, he knows that he can't ruin their friendship by leaning just a little bit further forward. Ruining their relationship due to his unrequited feelings is something he knows he’ll regret forever.

Magnus looks like he doesn’t know what to say for a moment, and he casts his gaze sideways as he chuckles a little grimly. “Now that I think about it, the song’s a little messed up.”

It takes Alec a long moment to remember they’re talking about Billie Eilish, so lost in the fantasy of tugging Magnus to him by the lapels of his coat.

“I mean…” Alec trails off, regaining his self-awareness and ability to speak. “You’re not wrong.”

“It’s… sorry, I’m going to start rambling about something mundane,” Magnus shrugs, waving a hand.

He can’t stop himself from reaching out and grabbing Magnus by the shoulder by then, bringing Magnus’ gaze back to his. If he was sober, Alec wouldn’t have the guts to do so, but obviously, that’s not the case right now. “No, don’t worry. What were you saying?” Alec asks, genuine curiosity shining through.

It’s another facet to the person that is Magnus Bane that Alec loves. He has this ability, to look at things from more than face-value. He’s the person who looks at things more deeply than most, a sense of wisdom always somehow emanating from him about the strangest little details, even though they’re the same age. And besides, Magnus could talk about the history of the button, or something even more boring, and Alec would still be enraptured by every word.

Magnus smiles a little gratefully, and Alec can’t pinpoint what emotion exactly is swirling in those golden eyes as he shakes his head a little.

“Well… you’re holding someone hostage. You love them so much, you’re so consumed by your emotions so strongly, that you’ll hold onto them even if they don’t want it,” Magnus says slowly. “Not that I’d ever actually do that, but… it’s just that -”

“Your emotions are so strong,” Alec continues. “And you’re so scared at the concept of losing them, that you’ll do anything to keep them.”

Magnus nods, eyes bright. “Yeah, exactly. And yet it’s our favourite. I don’t know what that says about us, then,” Magnus says.

 _I love you,_ Alec wants to say. _I love you so much, that’s what it says about me. I’d never hurt you, never, but I do relate in that I want to be with you so much sometimes, it hurts._

“I guess maybe we’re both a little messed up,” Alec utters instead, a light chuckle in the joke, offsetting the intensity of his thoughts. It sounds a little blunt, and he’s already halfway to an apology when Magnus laughs in agreement.

“You’re not messed up, Alexander,” Magnus whispers quietly. Alec can barely hear it over the sounds of the party swirling, surrounding them. “Me, on the other hand… I think I was destined to be messed up from the start.”

The sentiment is so shocking to Alec, such a shift in conversation, that he just gapes.

“What are you talking about?” he breathlessly asks after a solid minute. He’s genuinely confused. Magnus is amazing. Alec had been half-joking, but Magnus looks 100% serious. And Alec hates it.

Something shifts in that moment. It’s faint, the clicking of something slightly off now put into place. Magnus slides his back down the wall until he’s sitting down, leaning back. Alec wordlessly sits down too, until they’re right next to each other, shoulders brushing.

“Don’t get me wrong, I love my family,” Magnus explains. “Jocelyn and Luke are my parents as far as I’m concerned, and I love Clary so much. They’re all amazing.” He takes a deep breath, glancing at Alec imploringly. “But… I don’t know. It’s hard sometimes, to hold onto a sense of identity. There’ll be times where I wonder about my biological parents, or what my life would’ve been like if I’d never been taken out of that orphanage in Indonesia. And I wonder, who am I?”

Alec nods, understanding. He knew Magnus had been adopted, but he’d never really heard more about the story than that. Of course, they’ve never really had a chance to talk about this sort-of thing. But their tongues have been loosened by the alcohol, and Alec is dimly aware that they’re approaching the early hours of the morning. It’s a liminal space, where suddenly, all walls are down. Alec knows there’s a party surrounding them, but right now, all he can hear and see and feel is Magnus next to him.

“I get lost in hypotheticals, and ‘what ifs,’ sometimes,” Magnus mumbles. “It’s dumb, I know. But I do it nonetheless.”

Alec frowns. “It’s not dumb,” Alec retorts gently. “I know the situation is different but… you know, my dad actually left us about 8 years ago.”

Alec always hates talking about it, never really tells people about it, and bile usually rises up in his throat at the thought. But something about Magnus, talking like this, makes that bile evaporate, replaces it with a need for Alec to let Magnus know that _he gets it._

Magnus’ eyes widen. “I had no clue,” Magnus says. “I mean, your mom always dropped you off and picked you up for dance, but I thought something else had happened.”

Shaking his head, Alec sighs. “No, he left. He has another family now, and everything. So you’re not being dumb, Magnus. It’s hard to hold onto your identity with things like that,” Alec runs a hand through his hair. “There are so many times that I catch myself thinking about what he’s doing, even though I really shouldn’t give a fuck. Times where I think about what could’ve been if he had stayed.”

“Oh, Alexander, I’m so sorry,” Magnus says, remorse clear in his tone. And Alec usually doesn’t like it when people say that, because it’s not like it’s their fault. But when Magnus apologises, Alec can see that it comes from a place of understanding and empathy, not pity. “It’s his loss. You and your family are incredible.”

Alec nods, a small smile on his face, the compliment definitely getting to his head. “Thank you,” Alec replies quietly, voice low. “And I’m sorry too, Magnus. I know it must be difficult, but I hope you know that you’re amazing. And you should know, that we’re… that I’m grateful, that you are here.”

 _Too much,_ Alec thinks. _You just said too much, you need to stop Alec, what the fuck is Magnus going to think with your sentimental shit that no normal friend says to another fr-_

“Thank you, Alexander,” Magnus smiles, his breath fanning Alec’s cheek. Only now does it register to Alec, just how closely their heads are bent together. Like they’ve slowly been drawing closer over the course of this conversation. Alec didn’t know it could be possible, but he’s seen a whole other side of Magnus that has just made him fall deeply and truly in love with him at this point.

 _Fuck it,_ he thinks. After everything, Alec doesn’t care. He wants to kiss Magnus Bane.

But before the thought can materialise into an action, Magnus abruptly stands up, as if electrocuted. His eyes are wide, his steps uneasy, and before Alec can even register it, Magnus is rushing towards the door. To _leave_ The Hunter’s Moon.

He’s running away.

~

_2016_

Italy is beautiful. The sights, the food, the guys.

But no one here has eyes that glitter like gold. No one here has the same elegant grace in their movements. No one here has the same keen mind and dry wit and pretty face.

Alec lands on the motel bed, with its mattress that’s as hard as concrete.

Distance is good. For the most part, the trip has been fantastic. Alec needs this. Alec is ‘finding himself’ out here.

But when a gorgeous man earlier, a tourist from Australia, had kissed him in some bar just over an hour ago, it had all felt _wrong._ Because the man was a little too short, and a little too thin, and much too blond and pale. His eyes may have been an endless sea of blue, but they didn't hold the wondrous galaxy of stars in their irises.

He wasn’t Magnus.

 _No one will ever be like Magnus,_ Alec thinks grimly as he squeezes his eyes shut, latching onto the small single pillow as if it’s a lifeline.

 _Distance really does make the heart grow fonder,_ he laments to himself in anguish as a couple of tears leak out.

* * *

_2018_

Magnus is up and running before he can register it.

He’s rushing to the door when he sees Maia, concern on her features. She starts walking towards him, but he holds a hand up, paints a grim smile on his face as he shouts some excuse about needing fresh air. She looks like she wants to argue, but Magnus is out of the door before he can hear what she has to say.

The weather is shit. In the span of however long Magnus has been inside, thunderous clouds have rolled over the sky, and the downpour is unmistakable. _Great,_ Magnus thinks. He’s going to have to brave the terrible rain to get to his car, which is parked on the opposite side of the street.

Whatever. Anything is better than staying in there. Any moment longer, and Magnus would do something that he would totally regret. He can’t bear to face Alec’s inevitable rejection, and he also can’t hook-up with Alec, even though Magnus’ bones ache, even now, with the need to kiss him. But rejection and hook-ups ruin things. It’ll ruin their friendship, if Magnus were to do what he wanted to do. Fear is coursing through his head and his heart, making it hammer loudly in his chest.

“Magnus!” The shout from the door, from Alec of all people, pushes Magnus into rushing beyond the awning in front of the bar, forcing him into the rain. As he quickly skids across the road, he hears Alec call out, “Wait!”

And for a split second, Magnus almost does.

But then the thought that initially jolted him to stand-up and rush out just echoes in Magnus’ head.

_Two scenarios are possible if you stay any longer. You’ll do something dumb, admit the extent of your feelings and get rejected. Or, if you move forward and kiss him, and he accepts, it could take a totally new route and become a drunken hook-up._

Either option is exactly the opposite of what Magnus wants. Why can’t he just live out the fantasy of a relationship, of morning smiles and walks in the park and forehead kisses, the fantasy he constantly thinks of in his head? The thought pushes him to keep scurrying until he’s at his car. The rain is relentless, and the cold is ridiculous. Magnus really should’ve brought an umbrella.

He’s not thinking straight, and he yanks harshly on the car handle to get to the driver’s seat before he realises that he needs his keys. But his hands are wet and his grip is slippery as he attempts to reach into his pocket to grab it, and he can’t tell if the wetness on his face is just from the rain or if his tears are beginning to intermingle.

Before he can get any solid grip on his keys, Magnus feels himself getting spun around by the shoulders. And even in the darkness of the night, Magnus can’t mistake the shining eyes of Alexander Lightwood, gazing at him.

“I freaked you out,” Alec says, the sound of his remorseful voice breaking through the cacophony of noise. “I’m sorry, I was being too intense and I freaked you out.”

 _Stop it,_ Magnus thinks. _Stop being so good, just stop._

“Alexander, you didn’t freak me out,” Magnus responds, and he’s about to add a half-assed excuse. But then he sees Alec’s expression, and something about it makes Magnus feel pure misery clutch his heart.

“Why are you running away, then? What’s wrong?” Alec asks, and he sounds so surprisingly hurt, so confused, and something about it all makes Magnus fall apart.

And just like that, all the things that have built up over the years, all the stolen glances and late nights up thinking about hazel eyes and all the memories of seven years of friendship and all of Magnus’ feelings break through, rushing through Magnus’ head and overwhelming his heart.

“Everything’s wrong! I can’t do this,” Magnus cries out. “I can’t keep sitting there with you and your perfect words and your perfect face and your perfect everything. I can’t do it anymore.”

“Magnus, what are you -”

“I’m in love with you,” Magnus says, plainly and simply, the weight of the words somehow making up for the lowered volume, keeping his gaze fixed to the swirling darkness of the rain splattering onto the road beneath their feet. “I am so in love with you, and, God, the whole point of me running away was to save myself from so grossly admitting it to you. And yet, here we are!” Magnus sounds half crazy, he knows, and he laughs with no humour in his tone.

“I can’t keep doing this to myself. I can’t keep it to myself anymore, not after tonight, when you’ve been nothing but _ridiculously perfect,”_ Magnus’ voice sounds strained, hollow. “And I can’t hook-up with you either. I can’t, not when I love you, and I want to be with you, properly. I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.”

Magnus has enough self-awareness to know that he’s not making any sense. He’s practically a blubbering mess at this point, and most definitely sounds insane. He finally grips onto his keys in his pocket, clicks the button to unlock his car.

“Now, please, Alexander. Pretend that this never happened, for both our sakes. And save the rejection. I’m already feeling like shit,” Magnus finishes, sniffing to himself. He’s sopping wet and he feels like someone has taken an apple-corer to his heart and yanked out his insides.

Stupid alcohol. Stupid party. He never should’ve come. He’s probably just ruined everything.

“Hey,” Alec’s voice is strong, incredibly warm, cutting through everything. Magnus ignores it, turns his whole body around to reach for the car handle.

It’s instantaneous. One hand grabs Magnus’ hip, and one grabs his shoulder. The shock of it lets Alec easily spin Magnus around, and the momentum of the motion brings them so achingly close in the breath of a second.

“Just tell me, and I’ll stop,” Alec whispers, but they’re so close that Magnus can hear it clearly nonetheless. Alec inches closer, one hand still on Magnus’ hip and the other still on Magnus’ shoulder, eyes fluttering shut, and in Magnus’ daze, it suddenly registers that there’s purpose to Alec’s head tilting closer to his.

Magnus shuts his eyes. He doesn’t say anything, mind blanking out.

And when their lips finally connect, everything else melts away.

~

_2017_

_They’re in one of those go-karts. Alec is at the wheel, and he’s shouting loudly in glee as they drive forward. Magnus loops his arms around Alec’s broad shoulders, holds onto him for dear life , as they speed along the open concrete plain._

_“Cool date idea, right?” Alec hollers._

_“If I fall out of here and die, I will haunt your ass for eternity,” Magnus screams back. Funny, the wind is ringing loudly in Magnus’ ears, but he can’t actually feel any of it._

_“I wouldn’t mind you haunting my ass forever,” Alec replies with a wry smirk. Magnus shoots an unimpressed look in his direction, and at that, Alec sighs. “Don’t worry, love. I’ll keep you safe.”_

_Magnus grins brightly. They keep driving, going faster and faster, and the wind is howling in Magnus’ ears, and are they approaching the end of the plain?_

_Whatever, it doesn’t matter. Alec will keep him safe._

Magnus startles awake, heart pounding, and in that space between sleep and awakeness, he half-believes himself to still be in that go-kart, half-believes himself to be the one Alec calls _love_ on their _date._

And when the reality of the situation finally settles in his head after a few moments, something about the shock of it all makes tears spring to Magnus’ eyes.

And he mourns for something, a dream, that he’ll never attain.

* * *

_2018_

_I have to be dreaming,_ Alec thinks dizzily to himself. But then again, a dream would never feel this incredible.

Magnus’ mouth meets his, and it’s like they practically melt into each other. He leans forward, biting Alec’s lip gently and making him gasp quietly. His tongue curls slowly with Alec’s, and Alec finds himself drunk on the feeling. The two of them bend as close as they can to each other, their bodies touching in every place possible. And everything about it feels so right, like they were made for each other.

Alec’s hand that’s resting on Magnus’ shoulder moves until it’s resting on the side of Magnus’ neck, allowing Alec to lean further forward and deepen the kiss with a quiet moan. That’s what jolts Magnus into bringing both his arms around Alec’s neck, tugging him even closer. Alec savours every shiver of Magnus’ that he feels, breathes in every soft sound that Magnus makes as they continue to kiss in the rain.

Alec still can’t even fathom the concept that Magnus Bane is in love with him. He’s kissing Magnus, because Magnus loves him, and it’s literally like every fantasy and dream and wish has coalesced into one of the most cliched moments in the history of the universe.

They deserve the cliche, honestly, after everything.

When they draw back, Alec’s face hurts from how much he’s grinning. “Magnus Bane, I love you so fucking much,” he beams. And Magnus, he’s beaming too.

“I love that very smile, and I love how you dance so gracefully, and I love how your eyes shine like stars when I look at them, and I love who you are so so much, it almost hurts,” Alec feels like he’s going to choke. Seven years of emotions are pouring out of him all of a sudden, and he’s powerless to stop it. “How could I ever reject you? My heart was gone from the moment you entered that Pandemonium studio seven years ago. Your strength and your substance and courage is constantly inspiring me, and I love not only you, but I love who I become when I’m with you.”

Magnus’ face, which only a moment ago had looked so broken, now shines, illuminating the dark street they’re on. They’re both absolutely drenched, but Alec doesn’t give a single fuck because he’s here, and he loves Magnus and Magnus loves him.

“I love you so much, Alexander,” Magnus chuckles. “I love how you always wear that same leather jacket no matter where you go, and I love how you sound when you sing with all your heart, and I love how you’d give your family and friends the whole world, if you could.”

There’s really no other way to respond to that except to kiss him again.

And as they close their eyes and their mouths meet again, Alec can’t help but think, that _this_ is where he’s meant to be.

~

_2017_

“You’re not straight,” Alec smirks. He doesn’t know if he’s surprised or not.

Jace runs a hand through his hair. “Yeah, looks like it. I mean, I never really spared a thought for it, but then I saw cafe guy and I just stood there like, woah,” in what Alec thinks is an attempt to mimic the initial reaction, Jace’s eyes widen and he leans back in his seat.

“Wow, that is so gay,” Alec chuckles. “I mean, not that you’re gay yourself, necessarily, but the action is… gay.”

“You just said ‘gay’ three times in the span of five seconds,” Jace laughs. “Honestly, I’ve seen so many people over the years as a barista but no one’s ever hit me like this guy.” The memory makes Jace’s face turn all wistful, and Alec snorts.

“I assume you know his name from his coffee order?” Alec asks.

“Well, if he didn’t give a fake one, then caramel-latte cafe guy’s name is Simon,” Jace smiles softly upon the recollection. “If I see him again, I reckon I’m going to ask him out.”

“You’re not scared of getting shot down?” Alec questions in surprise.

“I don’t know, I’ll just see where it goes. The worst thing that can happen is he says no,” Jace argues, brow already set in that way that indicates that Jace is devoted to this plan of his.

“Well, I admire your courage,” Alec says, and it’s not like he’s lying. And internally, he begs Jace, _would it ever be possible for you to share that courage with me?_

* * *

_2018_

“Wait,” Magnus narrows his eyes. The two of them have moved back under the awning of The Hunter’s Moon, but that doesn’t detract from the fact that they’re absolutely soaked. Now, the neon lights at the front cast a pink glow across Alec’s features. “You’re telling me that we’ve both been pining after each other all this time? What the fuck? If only one of us had said something sooner.”

Alec’s brows knit together adorably, before he smiles softly. “I was scared,” Alec mutters quietly, reaching out to hold both of Magnus’ hands in his own. Despite the cold, and despite how wet their hands are, Magnus finds the grip to provide a surging amount of warmth.

“As was I,” Magnus replies, equally as soft.

“Maybe we needed it,” Alec reflects after a quiet moment. “It’s not always been easy, but maybe we needed the foundation.”

Magnus nods. “I like that thought,” he muses. “Well, with that being said, I just have to ask - will you do me the honour of being my boyfriend, Alexander Lightwood?”

Alec grins. “How could I say no to something like that?” Alec retorts, and he leans forward and quietly kisses Magnus on the lips, an action to reassert his affirmation.

A loud gasp is what breaks them apart, and the two of them whip their heads around to find Maia standing at the open doorway of The Hunter’s Moon, mouth gaping.

“I was worried about Magnus, and then I saw you follow, Alec, and I thought you guys were in trouble or something,” Maia explains after a dumbstruck moment. “Obviously, I was wrong.” With that, she smirks a little.

“Yeah, we’re ok,” Alec says.

“Better than ok,” Magnus adds, and Alec grins again.

Maia whips out her phone from her pocket, her smirk turning into a devilish grin as she dials someone.

“Jace, it finally fucking happened,” Maia speaks. “Alec and Magnus finally got together, you idiot. Yeah, I know it’s late. Whatever. You owe me $30. Honestly I don’t even care at this point, I was worried it was never going to ever happen at all.” A pause, where Maia’s gaze flicks down to Magnus and Alec’s hands, still interlocked. “Yeah. Alright. Cool. Glad dinner went well. I’ll let you sleep, bye.” With that, she hangs up.

“You guys made a bet,” Magnus pieces together. Alec just glances in surprise at Maia. If it were any other scenario, maybe he’d be frowning in faux irritation, but it seems like it’s hard for Alec to even keep a smile off his face right now. Honestly, Magnus can relate.

Maia is unapologetic in her reply. “I thought you’d get together this year, but Jace was adamant that you're both idiots and nothing would happen until 2020. Anyways, sorry for ruining the moment,” before Alec or Magnus can say anything else, Maia just waves and quietly slips back into the bar.

When their gazes reconnect, they both burst out into laughter, doubling over as they chuckle.

“Were we really that obvious?” Alec asks in between wheezing breaths in an attempt to catch his breath.

“To everyone but each other, it seems,” Magnus quips.

They burst into a whole new round of chuckles after that. And as they calm down, Magnus dizzily reaches forward, tucks a lock of Alec’s hair behind his ear before kissing him deeply, smiling against Alec’s mouth.

And Magnus knows, without a doubt, that this is the happiest moment of his entire life.

~

_2017_

“I’m being serious, Magnus,” Clary argues. “Alec was totally checking you out at bowling today.”

“That’s sweet of you to say, Clary, but it’s not true,” Magnus replies simply as he sips his water, arms braced on the rail of the balcony. On the contrary, Magnus had definitely snuck a few glances as Alec had lined up and bowled. Of course, with his ability to aim with pinpoint accuracy, he had ended up winning majority of the rounds. Magnus likes to think he gave him a little run for his money though.

“Why are you so adamant in not believing me?” Clary says, as she walks up to the balcony too until they’re standing side-by-side, looking out over the city.

“I’m not going to get my hopes up for it to just blow up in my face, Biscuit,” Magnus replies, keeping his eyes trained on the view, not willing to look his sister in the eye.

“Magnus, I’m being serious right now. You don’t see the way Alec looks at you sometimes,” Clary mutters quietly. “I’m seriously convinced that he -”

“Please, Clary,” Magnus turns, facing her, utter sincerity in his pleading tone. “Don’t finish that thought. Please.”

Clary is small, but she’s tough and stubborn and argumentative. So he must look pretty wrecked, because instead of arguing like he assumes she would, Clary just closes her mouth slowly, nods mutely. She leans forward, puts her head against Magnus’ chest and hugs him tightly around the middle. Magnus returns the embrace, closing his eyes as the breeze flows through.

“You never know,” Clary mumbles quietly.

And more for her benefit than for himself, Magnus parrots back, “You never know.”

* * *

_2018_

Alec thinks of every time he’d written off Magnus’ stare, every time he’d thought he’d only imagined the affection in Magnus’ compliments, and every time he’d misjudged just how much Magnus would cling to every word he’d say. And he can safely say he was an idiot.

Magnus remembers every warm gaze from those hazel eyes that he’d mistaken as platonic, every time he’d thought he’d only imagined the way Alec would look in fixation at him, and every supportive comment and compliment that he’d convinced himself was all part of friendship. And he can safely admit he was a dumbass.

But as they bask in the warmth of a new era before them, they’re both nothing more than grateful. They’re here. They made it.

And they’re going to stick together till the end.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys enjoyed reading that! at least one decent thing can come out of my real life feelings ayy
> 
> (also I like to think that maia made sure malec were undisturbed the whole night in a bid to simultaneously get them together and swindle some cash outta jace hahaha)
> 
> thanks for reading, lots of love <3


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